Fattyboombas Bottom

I am bogan

2009-05-12T20:49:00.002+10:00

Pretty aren't I? This is a picture KittyKat took for me to give to my girlfriend HHML for her birthday, she's going to love it yeah. I think the two men who drove past as I was in the front yard getting the pics taken liked it.

Like mother Like daughter

2009-05-02T07:37:00.003+10:00

The other day I packed some apple pieces into the Pixie's lunch box and sent her off to creche at they gym. When I picked her up the carers told me they had stopped her from eating the apple as she had choked on the first piece. I said no worries and explained that the trait came from me as I have always had a tendency to choke on stuff. LHT kills himself laughing at me as I can choke on water. Anyway we get into the car to go and I am feeling a little hungry. I look in Pixie's lunch box and see the apple there, think "I'll eat that," and pop a piece into my mouth. A few seconds later, I realise that I too am choking on the apple... I managed to get it down but it was a scary few seconds. I don't think I've ever seen the girls at the creche laugh so much as when I told them that!!

I am 14 weeks 6 days pregnant today. At the scan I had the other day I could see the baby's heart beating and its little arms and legs moving around. Very cute. The girl said the genitals were usually up for a boy and down for a girl but I can't examine the pictures on the disc because my cd drive has decided not to work anymore. I have not put on any weight yet but my stomach is visibly bigger. I examine it every day in the big full length mirror at the gym. I am also maintaining my pelvic floor exercises in the hope that it will make the birth easier. TPOD has me doing these things called swiss ball thigh squeezes which just means you squeeze a swiss ball between your thighs... Every time I do them I am hoping that this is not preparation for the birth because I swear to God this kid's head could be as big as that swiss ball!!!

We had friends over for dinner the other night and LHT lit the fire. I decided to go into the shed to the filing cabinet and drag out some paperwork that we didn't need anymore to stoke the fire. FM and I were doing well for awhile till all of a sudden the fire went out never to return. LHT says I am the only person he has seen put a fire OUT with paper. I maintain he just lit a crappy one to begin with.

Up the Mississipee...

2009-03-09T13:44:00.003+10:00

If you miss a loop, you're out. The Princess of Darkness has discovered I have a bit of a talent for skipping. When I say talent, I mean, she enjoys giggling at me whilst I jump rope and my fat wobbles all over the place for her amusement. I have been trying to get to 50 in a row, which I finally achieved last thursday, I was pretty happy with it and decided it was even worth the little bit of pee that came out! Oh yes, ha ha ha, make the girl with a weak bladder jump. I told her to just wait until she has babies!!! Mind you she is such a fit bitch she will probably not have bladder issues at all! In a perfect world there would be tena pads available for all fat mums jumping rope at the gym. Hell in a perfect world coffee and chocolate would instantly melt fat from your thighs and bum and add perkiness to your boobies and handsomeness to your ugly husband. The Little Cutie Boy who is this young fellow who works down the gym cut the top of his thumb off when he was cleaning a spin cycle bike. They could not reattach it. SS and I are waiting oh so patiently for him to come back so we can give him a one and a half thumbs up on his performance. Poor bastard, nothing but pain comes of being fit you know!! He is the one who wrote SS's program which I say is pathetic and she says I am trying to kill myself. I have been getting her to spot me on the chinup machine which is SUCH a workout for her since I could barley lift myself today having flogged my arms on the pec fly and pushups. We bought some gloves for weights the other day, running around like Michael Jackson since we got them doing heaps of crotch grabbing and very pathetic moon walking. I am going to pull out the bedazzler and pop some pretty stuff on them. The guy who sold them to us had a distinct, "I can't wait to get you two crazy women out of my store" look on his face. That could have been due to the glove pulling out and trying on frenzy or the two girls running around climbing on his machines and knocking over all his yoga mats. You can always tell people who have no children!! I remember being one of them!

Everybody Laugh at the Fat Chick

2009-02-26T10:43:00.001+10:00

Everybody laugh at the fat chick because she is busy laughing at herself! Arrived at the gym the other day and was told by a fellow gym goer that he can hear Soul Sister and I laughing all over the gym. So my loud booming laugh and noisy self have been noticed, lol, as I suspected. I think my groans are also heard down there too, the Princess of Darkness has me working out on the chinup machine, I have to lift 45kg of my body weight to get myself up there. The harder it is the further my tongue goes out! Soul Sister is fabulous and 'spots' me, which really means pushes my ass up when I am too weak to do it. Lucky for me she's a bit sick and likes touching my bum! LHT has been going down there too but no one has noticed him sans samurai mullet. Honestly I have been trying to get him to grow it back but he seems certain he doesn't want to. He has no sense of adventure now he's an old man!! (37) I have not seen the victim of my crime from the other day, the man I dropped the ball on, he's probably headed over to the other gym where's there's less risk of a loud fat chick scaring the shit out of him. There are two other girls that SS and I have met down there, the Step-sisters. They are fellow pervers on the hotties that sometimes grace us with their presence. We bought some Michael Jackson fingerless gloves the other day for weight work. I am going to put glitter on mine just because I can, tried to convince SS but she says it's not for her, yeah sure, wait till she sees mine. I might go and get some iron on transfers, lol. Can't help myself, a blank space MUST be decorated.

The Pixie looks like a child abuse victim at the moment, she fell down the front steps the other day and she has a big scab on her nose and just under. LHT took her out the other day in a dirty shirt and him in a singlet and he said the checkout chick looked at her like she felt that calling DOCS in would be appropriate. She is becoming oh so independent that she wouldn't let me hold her hand coming down, she learned her lesson though because she has ever since. LHT's grandparents stayed last night and she showed off so much for them that she skinned her knee as well, didn't cry though, too busy playing up to Old Grandma and Old Granddad.

LHT bought two new motorbikes, one for dirt and one for the road. I was bitching and complaining about the obvious unfairness of it all until he presented me with a diet sars today that had a Pandora hanging around it. Very nice, two little charms, a butterfly and an aquamarine one. He tells me I have a birthday present coming too so that will be nice. I can hardly believe I am 31 on Saturday. Hopefully by the time I am 32 I will look better than at 22. We'll see won't we.

Off to take the Pixie to the beach since we are having such nice weather and she loves it so much. Took her the other day and she decided to run away from me and jump in the water at which point she was in over her head. Luckily SS got to her JUST before I did and she wasn't choking cos she was holding her breath (I love swimming lessons) but my heart was still beating about 4000bpm for awhile. I think I might put the baby leash on her in future till she accepts that I am her mother and no amount of running away to join other families or the circus will not change that.

OOPS!!

2009-02-24T20:57:00.002+10:00

Apparently the gym has more hazards than it appears - not just for me but for others. My gym keeps the swiss balls up on the wall behind a bar. I got my favourite green one down today, and in doing so, a red one fell down... onto an older guy doing ab crunches listening to his I-Pod with his eyes shut - right onto his, ahem, personal region. You can just imagine the look on not only his face or my face but also Soul Sister's!!! She was absolutely pissing herself laughing as she came over to see if he was okay and help me put the ball back up without injuring him further. When I put it back, he sat up and waited for me till I was gone. I am probably on his 'people to shoot' list now.
Fabulous news today - fit into a pair of shorts I bought over twelve months ago. Finally fit into them!! Woohoo! Had a delicious lemon crush boost juice to celebrate. I would love to write more but I must must must go to sleep.
PS Tomato Samboys are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why you should listen to your mother.

2009-02-13T18:55:00.004+10:00

The toilet training is proving to be tiring... but most amusing. Today the Pixie peed on the floor, not once, not twice but THREE times. Each time I had just walked away from her and she went to town, at least the floor got mopped I guess. We made a cake together today, she poured in the mix, added the milk and then I added the egg. We stirred it up together and then put it in the microwave to cook. Five minutes and 30 seconds later and voila, there was our cake. We had to leave it for five minutes before inverting it. In the meantime the Pixie did a poo. (By this time I had had enough of pee on the floor and mopping so she had a nappy on.) I thought I would just pop her onto the loo to finish it off. Sat her down on the little pink toilet seat and then reached between her legs, put her fingers in the poo left on her bottom and before I could stop her and as I was telling her not to... lifted the finger to her mouth and tasted it. I could barely believe what I had seen - I mean I have seen it in dementia patients but the look on her face was absolutely priceless. She started crying straight away and was really not happy about the deed. Straight off to the shower I took her to wash off the residual pee, cakemix, dirt, grime and poo. She was never so keen to let me brush her teeth, poor little girl. God it was so funny.

After I got home from the gym this morning I left her with LHT while I went and had a shower. I got out and here she is coming up the hallway towards me carrying my VERY expensive camera by the LENS CAP!! I called out to LHT that she had the camera and as I walked towards her, wet remember as I had JUST got out of the shower and slipped over in the water I was dripping on the floor and hurt my ankle. Then LHT told me I wouldn't have slipped over if I kept the camera in the case like I am supposed to. Well you can imagine how that went down I am sure, so after a few choice words and a fairly hard thump to his arm he admitted he was quite insensitive - closest thing I get to an apology, lol.

The other day after we had taken the dog for a walk, Macy was back out in the yard and was barking and the Pixie looks in her direction and says, "Stupid dog." My neighbour, My Banrcock Bestie (MBB) and i burst out laughing and she said she had heard me say that to Macy all the time! Which I do because she is SO annoying. Usually the Pixie will give MBB rocks from our garden when she is over but this day she was giving them to MBB's dog Bella. (picture) Bella wasn't really that impressed with the rocks but she did seem to like the pats. The Pixie also asked MBB for the dog lead and held onto it for awhile like she was the king pin. She is being so cute and adorable these days. I am looking forward to showing her off to my family next week.

Not the Biggest Loser

2009-02-11T11:04:00.002+10:00

I had my weigh in today - after eight weeks at the gym I have lost.... badada, drumroll please, 100g. Yes you are reading that right 100 measly little grams. Time to get my diet right. I have however lost 2% body fat which still makes me more fat than person but I'm getting there!! I have also lost a cm or more from all the areas that were measured so it is working... maybe it was the scales that were not! After that I worked REALLY hard at my PT session. Last week I wowed myself by jumping rope twenty times in a row, this week I doubled it to 41 before I tripped. I still did the other nine and the second time I only got to 35 before my legs fell off and they had to call a paramedic and have them reattached. Well at least that's what would have happened in the little aside bit I would do if I was a tv show. My arms are definitely smaller, my big giant tuckshop lady arms, my bingo bats, my fedoobadas, the best bit to shake it with, they are disappearing before my eyes! I am really going to try to kick ass over the next 8 weeks, and actually lose some weight. I have been walking in the afternoons as well with the Pixie in a pack on my back and the dog pulling me along, I haven't had a mars bar in weeks! (But the ferrero's from LHT's auntie were pretty dam good, and the wine I've been enjoying with my neighbour - who is btw a very bad influence!!) Right I'm off to make yoghurt.

Toilet Training

2009-02-10T19:28:00.001+10:00

I am trying to toilet train and the little bugger keeps peeing as soon as I turn my head away. She holds on for like 2 and a half hours but when I look away, she pees. Yesterday I waited, I put her on the toilet, coerced her onto the potty and after several hours, at ten to five, I went to get a nappy to put on her so we could go for our walk and in the time it took me to walk to her room, get the nappy and walk back to mine, the cow had climbed up onto my bed and peed. Luckily for her I had just taken the sheets off it and left the protective cover on the mattress - which by the way is now soaking in nappysan. Today she peed right next to the bath as I turned on the taps after stealing the potty away out of the bathroom that I had just put back in there! ARGH!! I can't wait for this to be done! I am going to my sister's next week and she has tiles so at least it will be easy to clean! If you ask the Pixie if she loves Mummy she answers "No." But she will tell you she loves Daddy, poor Mum.

I have been at the gym for 8 weeks tomorrow so I will know if I have lost any weight and how much my measurements have changed. I am excited and nervous. I think it will motivate me to eat a bit better. I am really going to miss it next week when I am away, my trainer is going to do up a little something for me to make sure I work hard when I am away. Okay I will report back tomorrow to tell you how I do.

2009-01-23T20:55:00.002+10:00

Went down the gym this morning, left the Pixie at home with Daddy and went down to kick my own butt. I'm starting to know quite a few people there now. I love people watching when I am there. It's really great, plus the gym is quite likely to be playing Miley Cyrus or Shannon Noel and for me personally, well, it's not my favourite. I tried to take an MP3 player in but it wouldn't pick up JJJ, only the local radio station which plays, yep, you guessed it, Miley Cyrus and Shannon Noel. Occasionally they will put on this early 90's double dvd set which includes such classics as Cherry Pie by Warrant and I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany. Of course I'm always delighted to be greeted by these old friends. I did ask if they would pop it on for me today but Bevchick said she had been there for almost 12 hours yesterday and heard it numerous times and that she wouldn't put it on but she would shove it up my arse if I liked. Since the Princess of Darkness wasn't around to help me out I decided I would put up with what they had on. It wasn't long after that I was rewarded, a young man came in wearing leopard print shorts - very hot. It really made my day, just like the first time I saw the man who looks like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame. Yep, there he was right there on the kayak machine. Ah yes it's the gym for people like me. I like to wear my old Kevin Nash wrestling shirt down there just to fit in. I also managed to find quite a beauty in Best and Less the other day, a dodgy purple shirt that says "Margate Sands Finest". Oh they joy I had when I found that shirt, since I lived in Margate for 13 years. I just have to get my Michael Jackson style fingerless gloves for when I do weights now and I should be looking a real treat.

Speaking of Best and Less, I was downtown today trying to find some other crafty stuff when as I walked past I spotted some lovely blue DT's in the window that have "Bad Boy" written on the butt. They were 3 bucks, I had to get LHT a pair. They will go quite nicely with the mankini supplied by SWHF recently. (Yes another good day) LHT has gone back today to start work tomorrow and has been struck down with the dreaded vomit everything you put in your belly back up virus. If only he had been sick before he left I could have given him those little budgie smugglers and I bet he woulda felt a whole lot better!

Okay, okay, I'm sorry

2009-01-21T22:03:00.003+10:00

I'm sorry it has been so long. Life has been crazy for us lately since LHT has been working for Rio Tinto. Since he is away for five nights and home for three it has been difficult to get into a routine. I think we are finally getting there. I decided on December 10 I had to do something about my weight. So I joined the local YMCA and have been going M-F ever since. I have not weighed myself yet to know if I have lost any weight but I think it will show more in measurements for the first time rather than in kilos. I have a few more weeks until my first weigh in and measure. I signed up for personal training once a week which I have a love hate relationship with. Not my trainer though, the Princess of Darkness is fabulous!! I love her to bits and I love that she will push me to my limit. I have not as yet vomited but I certainly have felt like it!! I am quite proud of how I am going, I can see my fitness improving as the days go by. I was so excited when I finally managed to do 1000m in five minutes on the rower, especially as it was the same day I finally managed to do 1km on the cross trainer! I knew it would be a good day for my friends who were getting married. Yesterday I did 5.3km in 5 minutes on the kayak, I felt like superwoman.

It was the Lusty Librarian and the Snakeman got married. It was a lovely little ceremony on the beach with just 7 people, including the celebrant. Afterwards we went out to a New Orleans style restaurant which has made me crave creole ever since. (I am making jumbalaya tomorrow night - mmmm.)

The pixie is going along nicely, being very advanced and all. She is saying lots of new stuff including cheese, fish, here she is, cool and oh wow. It is very very cute to see her. Her auntie gave her a set of 5 boardbooks for christmas and she loves them to death and she always says, "cool", which she pronounces tulle, when she is looking at them. She is of course being extra cheesy these days, not very keen on posing for photos these days, it's way more fun to run away from Mummy. Speaking of running, TenB said to me one day, "you know one day they walk and the next they run." So true my friend so true, she runs all over the place and I really have to try to keep up. She is definitely a bit part of my motivation when I get tired when I am working out, I try to remember that if I don't do it, she'll get away from me. How about that Mum who left her baby unattended in the car today and the car got stolen! How sick would you feel coming out of the store and realising that your precious baby was gone. I can only imagine the anguish she felt during the time her baby was gone. I bought a wrist restaint for the Pixie the other day, she doesn't mind it if I put my bit on first. She thinks it's okay cos I have one on my wrist too. You know people say it's like having a dog on a leash, I agree, but in this case, I am the dog. She drags me around on the dam thing and then I just end up carrying her anyway. I think I'll just use the pram forever! She was sick on monday so I gave her an iceblock to keep up her fluids - you would have thought I had given her gold and jewels the happiness she displayed. If only she was always going to be that easy to please.

Not so yummy.

2008-10-18T22:43:00.002+10:00

Last night FM and G-Dog came over for dinner, which was delicious by the way, we had spicy chorizo and pumpkin couscous. Very good. Since FM is about to have a milestone birthday we were looking at cupcakes online and becoming inspired decided to have a go at making some marzipan flowers since I had some left over from the Pixie's birthday. It is not as easy as you might think to make flowers from marzipan but we did end up with a quite impressive bowl of fruit and veg. We were making icing to help stick the bits together and I was complaning that the icing sugar was taking a lot of water and hard to stir and FM agreed whole heartedly until she looked over and saw I had a fairly smooth paste and she had lumps. It was as I told her to add some more lemon juice that I saw what the bag in front of me said... corn flour. MMM I had dusted the tupperware mat with it too thinking it was icing sugar and the marzipan was covered in it. We were laughing so hard. FM went outside to tell the boys who were sitting holding hands (okay not really) by the fire but I said later she shouldn't have because we could have tricked them into eating it.

My baby is sick today, she has had a temperature and has been vomiting. LHT took her out to the park this morning where she vomited all over herself in the back of the car but would not relinquish her regular saturday morning pizza that her father buys her from the bakery. Despite the fact that she was covered in vomit she still insisted that he take her for a walk to look at the ducks before vomiting into his hand. Lucky daddy. I am so glad that wasn't me, I am not terribly good with vomit. Yes I know being a nurse you'd think I'd be okay by now but I'm not. LHT loves to tease me about how watching Fat Bastard drink a stool sample in Austin Powers made me throw up once.

Her being sick all day and wanting to either sleep or lay in my arms has given me a chance to watch the Dr Who dvd's I got out. I am totally in love with the current Doctor - David Tennant. I am dropping lots of hints about him buying me the whole series for christmas (67 days away). He is on night duty on christmas day so the Pixie and I will have to play with the Barbie Quad bike by ourselves! I will also have to eat all the ham. (That is almost his worst nightmare, it would only be worse if I ate all the prawns as well so luckily for him I don't eat seafood.)

Ah the Serenity

2008-10-16T19:21:00.000+10:00

LHT is up away at his new job which is totally kickass and even if it's not the benefits are. He has put his name down to do an emergency services training course so he will learn to abseil and do rescues and advanced CPR and stuff. They have medical cover benefits for our whole family and we can use a counsellling service anytime we like. LHT told me even the Pixie can use the counsellor but I am really hoping she doesn't need one just yet. They will pay for him to go to uni and do a degree if he wants to and assist him to advance in any way they can. He is stoked and so am I. They will pay for us to move if we want to and they have all kinds of social clubs not just for the workers but for the Mums and kids too. I am pretty excited and it would be a fabulous adventure but I don't want to leave at the same time. I have heaps of great friends now and I would hate to leave them but leaving also means making even more great friends. Ah imagine the space you'll have to hold my funeral in. (Weird how the word funeral has fun in it isn't it.) He does get paid monthly though so we are really going to have to learn how to budget!!
LHT and I had to break open the KTM tin so we could survive the next couple of weeks. He had saved $337.35 cents in total which is great because the change is coming in very handy.

HHML and I have been saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeh, yeh, yeh, ye, ye," to each other a lot over the last couple of weeks being the bogans that we are. Well now the Pixie is also going around the house, phone to her ear saying, "Yeah, yes, yeah." Like mother, like daughter eh! Poor LHT - no wonder he wants to work away. HHML's son told his grandmother that he was enjoying the peace and quiet the other day when he spent the day with her because when he is at my house HHML and I are so loud he needs panadol. How hilarious is that? Poor boy has been overshadowed by not just one but two loud women and two squealing little girls!

Congratulations

2008-10-07T13:27:00.002+10:00

Congratulations to Friendless and Vegie Pi on their engagement. Friendless proposed to VP on her birthday on sunday. They had recently been on holiday to Cairns and had visited Kuranda and been to the opal shop there. She tried on the ring and really liked it. When they got home he called the shop and asked if they remembered them coming in and luckily for him they did. He had the ring sent down to him in time to ask her for her birthday. They celebrated with a bottle of NiQuil and some cold and flu tablets since they are both really sick at the moment. Luckily for him he was not a tight ass when he bought the ring, and opal is VP's birthstone so he has really outdone himself. I love weddings! I can't wait.

My Gorgeous sister

2008-10-03T21:38:00.004+10:00

I just told LHT I want to burn the image of my 40 year old gorgeous lovely sister on my eyelids so it motivates me to lose weight so I don't look 10 years older than her rather than 10 years younger. She is stunning isn't she?

HALLELUJAH

2008-10-03T17:29:00.003+10:00

Thank God!! He's in!! He's really truly in at Rio Tinto - no more waiting around for them to call him and no more waiting for my husband to have a job! It's really great, great money and heaps of benefits, including removalists if we decided to move and some sort of medical benefits fund. Hooray! We have waited 10 weeks for this call and to finally get it is a HUGE relief and now our lives can get back to a new kind of normal. It will be weird for LHT to be away for four days at a time but I am sure I can live with no water on the bathroom floor, no wet towels on the bed and no dirty motorbike gear around the house for at least half my life (minus 200 hours holidays). The pixie and I will get into a routine and then Daddy will come home and mess it up! I have been blogging this since five this afternoon and since it is now half past nine and three glasses of champagne later I really have to go and lie down.

The Samurai Mullet Fan Club

2008-09-16T18:12:00.004+10:00

This photo has provided me with endless hours of entertainment. Every time I look at it I laugh, I mean really who, who has this hair? HHML and I googled mullets today and we could not find another with the fully shaved head. I would love to have a pic of it when it was all plaited. Everyone who has come into the house, and I mean EVERYONE, has been blessed with a showing of the Samurai Mullet. My sister says it makes her feel sick to look at his hair, which just cracks me up every time I think about it. Last week I had an Enjo demo, and LHT was coming home for lunch at the same time, HHML and I had the pic sitting on the table ready for him when he came home. He always knows to expect something when he comes home and sees the burgundy magna in the drive way. HHML and I spur each other on. The Enjo demo did not meet expectations, but she did touch the pic and I called her on it, she went a bit red, I don't think she meets many people like me. HHML wanted to draw a dick on the bucket and tell the woman not to worry that Enjo would of course get it off. Childish I know, but funny all the same. The other day HHML and I were sitting in the kitchen having coffee and we were looking at the pic as usual giggling and thinking of things to get up to. I had been through my costume box and thrown out all the crap in there, I did however manage to keep 5 cloaks and a wizard's costume. There is sometimes value in being a hoarder because whilst you might not think so, 5 cloaks and a wizard costume can come in handy when you have a photo like that in the house. We decided to have a "Samurai Fan Club Meeting" and got dressed up, me in a cloak and HHML in the wizard costume. Her son kept asking her, "Mummy why are you dressed up like that?" To which she would reply, "Mummy is not dressed up, she is in her work uniform." After declaring it Samurai Fan Club Recruitment Day (yes, I know so childish but the photo has taken over my mind!) the Excess Sugar Mumma happened to call, she was going to pop in. "Excellent, see I told you it was recruitment day!" said HHML or the messenger of the prophecy as she is known. I am the Samurai Messenger and LHT is the Chosen One. When she came over she popped on a superman costume which HHML drew a samurai mullet on the back of and wrote Samurai with one of those old s's you thought were cool in high school. Our friend we met when we bought our house, Humdinger, had also planned to come for lunch. He popped on a red and black Dracula cloak when he got here and the fan club was ready to greet the Chosen One. It was so funny to see LHT's face when he pulled up on his DR and the four of us were standing out the front wearing the costumes and the photo was on the kitchen table with a candle burning in front of it. ESM is 18 and I am sure she thought we were the most immature people in the world, but by God it was funny. Humdinger turned to me and then to LHT and said, "You are so mean! I mean she's good to you mate, but she is so mean!" I can only defend myself by saying, look up, look at the photo and then you tell me. He deserves a fan club, he deserves to never forget the had that hair. We made a group for him and everything - he is so lucky. (Note my pj pants - part of my uniform, very sexy.)

Yesterday when he came home for lunch, HHML said to me, "Let's just do nothing, just say nothing about it..." So we did, and about 15 minutes into lunch LHT said to me, "What are you up to?" See, he is suspicious just because we do nothing now, he is walking on egg shells, his nerves are frayed. He was complaining to me that we had no milk after he had only bought some, blah, blah, blah. I had important coffee to drink. I said we had plenty of milk and pointed to my breast. He said, "Is it chocolate?" I opened the cupboard and grabbed the shaker I use for choc on top of caps and tipped some on my boob and said, "It is now!"

Another Call

2008-09-11T20:09:00.002+10:00

Rio Tinto called LHT today to tell him that once his last pee test is done things should move quickly from there. Hooray! They still haven't told him for sure if he has the job but we don't think they woud keep ringing to apologise for the delays if he wasn't going to work there.

When we were first together LHT had an old drum kit. He loves to drum, he is always drumming on the furniture and driving me insane with it all. I always used to complain about it, tongue in cheek style. "We've got no room for this thing, where can we put it?" As I do. One day I came home and noticed it wasn't in its usual spot in the lounge, when I asked where it was he said he had sold it for $150. We banked the money to help us move up to Darwin. He knows know that I was just giving him some shit and that of course he was more than welcome to keep it, and even though I would never admit it to him I have always felt just that little bit bad about it. I have decided to buy him a drum kit for christmas and do up a room in the shed for him as a bit of a boy's retreat. I will have to get it sound proofed and paint it up and pop up pics of The Tugmaster, G-Dog, The Snake Man and any other of his boyfriends who take my fancy. I am going to buy him a bookshelf for all his stupid bike magazines etc. I think he will really like it. Any ideas are most welcome. The Lusty Librarian has an OHP machine so I could paint some motorbikes on the walls if I want to. I will talk to G-Dog who I think will be more than happy to help me along with Daddy Saturday to make it something really cool. I am definitely in the running for wife of the year!!

Poppies, lovely poppies...

2008-09-10T15:10:00.003+10:00

The Pixie has survived her first early morning Dad car trip! With flying colours, I like to think because I am protecting us from the harm LHT could do. LHT dropped us off at the shopping centre and went off to do his functionality test - hold a squat for 3 minutes, steps for 3 minutes, hold hands above head for 3 minutes, touch your toes for 3 minutes etc. He passed them all. The woman also did a strength test - he scored 82, she looked at him causing him to ask, "Is that bad?" The woman said, "No, most strong men score about 50." I love it when I am right, I am always telling him he is a freak of nature. We dropped him off at Rio Tinto and the Pixie and I went to the beach for a paddle. She just loved it and had a ball. She was playing with another little girl that was there with her Mummy and they were having a lovely time playing in the sand and waves. Because she is little miss independent now she would not let me hold her up and kept toppling forward and getting hit in the face by waves. Did this make her let me help her? No, she is stubborn like her father (and her mother I know), but it did help the snot clogging her nose pour down her face till she looked like no one owned her. In the midst of all of this LHT calls to say he has to do another drug test next week because he had tested positive for opiates. LHT looked at the company Dr in a panic, "What the hell?" "Nurofen," the Dr replied and LHT breathed a sigh of relief. When he told me I laughed and asked my drug husband how many crack pipes he had been around lately anyway. So... No, we still do not know but we do think that after this last test on monday he should be right to start. Bring it on - there are lots of lovely little girls clothes up there that would look awesome on my Pixie girl. I told LHT if he had found out today we would have had to buy a second car before going home to fit all the stuff in I wanted to buy her!

The Early Morning Trips

2008-09-09T19:46:00.004+10:00

What is it with Dads and early morning car trips? When I was a kid we would always have to get up at the crack of dawn to go on these trips where I would be the fat kid squashed between two big kids in the car, not allowed to put the windows down or stop at service stations to go to the toilet. As an extra treat to being hot, uncomfortable and busting Dad would play his country music at 15 million decibels and sing. Mum was an expert at pouring orange juice from a carton into metal cups that lived in the glove box for such occasions and handing out drinks to everyone before pulling a ham sandwich from the esky to feed us. This I think was just to make sure we got cramped legs and dvt's later in life. If by chance we happened to be in or near Ipswich where shamefully I was born Dad would take us on a tour... a long boring tour that we wished would end but weren't certain it ever would. Past our old house, past the big kids old schoools, past the meatworks, etc. A few years ago my brother tortured me in this same manner, AFTER he became a dad and the gene kicked in. Thankfully he will stop to let you go to the toilet, always has the A/C on quite cold and I don't mind his taste in music or his singing so I was not too traumatised. My Dad was also one of those dads that you would ask nicely not to drop you off at the front of the school (so no one could see how utterly embarrassing he was) and he would drop you off not only out the front but drive into the carpark right outside the office. PFM and I relied on her Mum for a lift when we were seniors, she would pick us up at the back down the road. Funny now how important that seemed then. The Pixie gets to experience her first painful early morning car trip planned by Dad tomorrow. He has his last medical with Rio Tinto tomorrow and we have to leave at 5.30am! EW!! Why oh why oh why did I say we would go??? I am obviously crazy and have no regard for my sleep or my comfort. I am going to stress to the Pixie that it is definately Daddy's fault we are out of bed and cold instead of tucked up together watching early morning cartoons.

This afternoon I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and LHT yelled out "Watch the bub," and took off out the door. I came rushing out to see a fire on the field across from us with a teenager from the school across the road trying to put it out. There was a woman there in her car calling 000. LHT took some buckets of water over as did the lady who lives 2 doors down. I was livid! I yelled at them, "Why the hell are you lighting fires, we have kids around here!" It pissed me off so much I rang the school and was assured that someone else had also reported the incident and teachers were on their way. Well the teen who had lit it had taken off to the middle of the oval leaving his friend to put it out, coward, and then he came back over to the scene of his crime. It wasn't like the teachers didn't have the time to come over there but they didn't bother. I am so angry. They had walked up the road when the firies showed up and we pointed them out and they went and spoke to them. My neighbour came home in the midst of the drama and she said someone had lit a fire a few metres from that one on Saturday night after an event had been on at the school. In the time we have lived here this is the third time the firies have been called and I have the police on speed dial too!! LHT says I should let it go but it is arson and if it had not been able to be controlled I dread to think what could have happened.

Made some things called pinwheels today. vegemite and cheese spread on puff pastry and then rolled up, cut into slices and baked. LHT fed three of them to the pixie before her dinner but that didn't stop her from eating a whole heap of peas which she loves, a kanga banga (and a taste of mash, she realised it was mashed, which is for babies, and flung it across the floor). She weighed in at 9.4kg at her 12 month needles but if they had weighed her tonight I think she would have tipped 10 - she leads with her belly! She has been cracking me up lately, today she was walking through the kitchen with a bum bag around her neck, her mobile phone to her ear, yacking away and she ran into the kitchen cupboard, fell over and laughed. HHML said, "She is such a ditzy blonde!" Ah well I am sure we can find her work in a sheltered workshop somewhere.

Black Testicles

2008-09-08T19:45:00.002+10:00

I wanted to share this joke with you. I can imagine this happening to me when I was a student!!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? '

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

2008-09-04T18:42:00.005+10:00

LHT finally heard back from Rio Tinto today about the medical, but that does not mean that he is any further advanced. They had called him twice to let him know that his results were not back and today they called to say they were back but he now has to go up again for another medical with their own doctor. We are pretty positive about the whole thing because he is a pretty fit bastard despite the few extra kilos he has plus he is talented and advanced. I can say that here because like I said he doesn't ever read my blog and he will never know that I am being nice to him. I don't find it pays to be nice too often because he will come to expect it and no one can be THAT nice. Meanwhile he has been doing a few days work for another company in town. I made some cornflake and sultana biscuits yesterday for morning tea today and he took some in for the boys at work. I am making sure that they miss my cooking when he is gone.

IF he does get the job we, ha, I say we, but really I mean me, are going to have the kitchen remodelled. I hate that we have one tiny bit of bench space and that is taken up by the kettle, the toaster and the all important coffee machine. I would love some more benches and a light in my pantry so I can see the out of date goodies hiding in the corners. I am thinking about taking some space from our giant laundry and putting it to good use in the kitchen. Why the people who added it felt the need to have a giant laundry I will never know, but I think I could put it to better use. I would also like a skylight put in. Daddy Saturday says to me, "You know you can put them in yourself?" Now this is a man known for his clumsiness and awkwardness so he really can't be trusted to go up on the roof for me to pretend that I did it myself. I mean let's face it, LHT would NEVER fall for that. If I wait for LHT to do it I will wait till the middle of next decade so I informed him I would happily pay someone LHT's hard earned cash to brighten up my kitchen. It in fact would be my pleasure to spend the cash and crack the whip to get him back to the salt mines to earn some more.

The Excess Sugar Mumma was having a problem with a cyst on her back the other day which led me to thinking about how much I love pus. I googled it and I was beside myself with pleasure when I found that there are 40 videos on youtube of people popping their pimples, cysts and boils. I watched all of them which only made me want some more. Dazza said I am so disgusting but I know there are others among us that also have a love for all things pus. You really should pop off to youtube and have a looky. Especially you TenB, you KNOW you want to. I did suggest to LHT tonight that we squeeze the one on his arm and film it as we did and pop it up too, but he said no. He never wants to play the games I want to play, bastard.

Last week I made myself a house cleaning schedule so I can keep on top of the housework. I am sick of living in a pigsty! I have also been madly spring cleaning and decluttering. LHT can't believe all the stuff I am throwing out and I think he is tempted to move again just to see how much easier it is this time now we have so much less stuff. I just feel I can let go of it all now. The house is looking great, I only have the dining room to go and it is all organised, unpacked and tidy. Even my sills and skirting boards are done. Grandma says it's because I'm nesting and that I will be wanting to go to bed early a lot. Well she might be right! We are definately trying for another baby but as for the cleaning frenzy, which has caused LHT to call me "The Mad Crazy Cleaning Lady" I am not sure where that comes from. Maybe it is just my time. I told him we could get rid of the giant box of costumes from the shed and he is excited. It is a pretty giant box, almost as big as our whole laundry. It has caused my hands to break out again though, which really sucks and is partly the reason for the lack of blogging lately, it is hard to type with my hands the way they have been. Ah sooky sooky la la, I know.

LHT's Grandfather died on monday night. He was in his eighties and had had cancer for the last twenty years but I think everyone expected him to live forever. LHT was pretty devastated as you can imagine. I was a bit unsure what to do for him since he is not so good with the talking and feelings and stuff so I made him a trifle. I think it was the best gesture and it was definately appreciated, especially since he gets the whole thing because I think trifle tastes like crap. Soggy cake, what did I do wrong that I would have to eat that? The pixie and I did a painting for Grandma to cheer her up and we also made her a card with stickers. Consequently the Pixie was covered in stickers all over her face, legs, arms and she had the outside sticky bits stuck all over her hands. She had a great time, they tasted good too she said.

The Multicultural Festival

2008-08-31T21:29:00.001+10:00

We went to the festival today, a smorgasboard of delicious food from all over. As a family we ate our way through a prawn sandwich, chicken kebabs, spring rolls, hungarian bread, german sausage, pecan pie, dots and dust icecream. We did pretty well. The pecan pie was our absolute favourite and LHT has made me promise to learn how to make it. It was so so good and we had to resist really hard to not go back and get a whole one to take home with us. We had to park far away since it was so busy in town so hopefully at least some of what we ate we walked off too. I wanted to buy something for the Pixie but LHT said she had enough stuff, I hate it when he is right.

Ah Coffee.

2008-08-26T19:53:00.000+10:00

The coffee machine has finally returned! Thank God! I rang them again today and asked about it, and when she said it had just been delivered I was there about ten minutes later. Of course it has taken till now to be able to sit back and enjoy one since the Pixie had her 12 month needles today and it always seems to make her a little excitable. We just went out and turned it on and it appeared not to be going to work, doing the same thing that it was doing before we took it to the shop four weeks ago... LHT stuck his hand into it and did some boy magic and hey presto it is working and I am drinking a lovely mocha. I need some more coffee now though and I have promised my friend the Deacon I will only buy fair trade coffee, which I have noticed they sell at Aldi. I am wondering though if LHT had looked at the machine when it first stopped working if I would not have had to take it to be fixed at all! They could not find what was wrong with it so I have a whole new machine and now I have two milk jugs, LHT laughed when I told him this, he felt me up and said "So do I." He said anyone would think all my dreams had come true that I had two milk jugs and could have both the coffees ready at the same time (unlike any meal served by my father).

Photos

2008-08-23T11:00:00.004+10:00

More pictures can be found at: http://albums.phanfare.com/4258995/2566161, courtesy of Vegie Pi. Thank you so much for taking so many wonderful photos, I am so glad you did because I didn't get a chance to take even one!

The very busy walking one year old.

2008-08-23T10:12:00.005+10:00

Two days before her birthday I was standing by the microwave and turned to look at my baby and she was walking towards me! I was so excited! I had been reading a text from the Lusty Librarian so I sent her one back straight away to tell her and then realised it is probably customary to tell the child's father first! She then took another 4 steps for HHML who held out her favourite Winnie the Pooh comb to her. Later that day LL rang me to tell me the Giant baby had walked that day too! We have been waiting for them to do something on the same day.

The Pixie was still gunky in the eyes right up to the day before her birthday. Poor baby. She was so miserable especially the day before her birthday when we went to the Giant baby's birthday party and she had to stay in the pram so she didn't infect the other kids. Grandma and Granddad and Celery, her partner and the new baby came to stay with us, Grumpy and Mumpy, Friendless, Vegie Pi and my nephew came over for dinner. I was still up at midnight as it turned to the 17th and I wished so much the Pixie would wake up. I even went in there and kissed her but she slept right through the night! Not one night for the past two weeks before and not one night since mind you but yes all through when I wanted her to wake up so I could cuddle her. The morning finally arrived and she woke up and we got to give her first birthday kisses and cuddles and give her the new bike that has been sitting in our room for months. I was really very restrained only giving her the dancing bandstand before her birthday. Granddad had bought her a Freddo show bag at the Ekka so she had a Freddo for breakfast on her birthday! She had a wonderful party and the cake turned out pretty good in the end after Mumpy gave me some help. It sat in the car for awhile before we served it though so you will see in the pictures how one of the towers fell before we had it but all in all I was proud of the effort. The Pixie at a giant piece and was high on sugar all afternoon. I tried to sneak fairy floss into some of her little friends but I got busted! I just wanted to send them home on a sugar high, I know payback's a bitch but it would've been worth it. Grumpy gave her a jewellery box, a very grown up and beautiful one to keep for always and signed it from him and my Mum. I can't wait to see how pretty I look in the video of that with bed hair, black bogan clothes bursting into tears, ah a treasured family moment. We are still trying to get through the mountains of sausages we bought we didn't need but luckily the Pixie eats a lot.

LHT has finished his tafe modules and has been for his interview with Rio Tinto, he is just waiting to hear the result, which hopefully will be on monday. He woke up two days before the interview with conjunctivitis! I had no sympathy because I had kept telling him how contagious it was and he hadn't believed me, guess he does now huh. We just put drops in his eyes and luckyily he didn't have that crusted up junkie look for his interview. I have seen quite a few KTM brochures around the house so I guess that means that it won't be long before the KTM owner and LHT will be riding off into the sunset together, leaving TenB and I alone with the girls. Ah well, what can you do? As long as they leave us cash or credit we'll be fine. KTM Owner, I hope you remember how much money I have cost you in the past taking your wife shopping (and how we tried to deep fry ice cream in your deep frier all those years ago), the only thing that has changed is I've just got heaps better at it, shopping not deep frying icecream, and now there is not just two girls, but five, yes five.

Julia Gulia's little girl turned 2 on thursday so the Pixie and I went up for her little party. The Pixie ate: 2 chipolatas, a vegetable finger, half a sausage roll, half a mini spring roll, some party pie, a piece of cake and a pikelet. She came home with a belly like a rock and has only just this morning managed to digest it all and get her belly back to normal. I guess I shouldn't have let her eat so much but she definately pushes food away when she is full and won't eat anymore so I figured she must be up for it. I think she is going through a growth spurt because she hasn't slowed down! She is currently standing at the front door banging on it like she wants to get free! I have to go and convince her to stay.

Conjunctivitis

2008-08-12T08:44:00.002+10:00

Few things are more fun than having a sick child, it's a real laugh a minute riot, with all the screaming, crying, fevers, snot and if you are really lucky, a large amount of eye gooky being discharged from the child's eyes and sticking them together causing great discomfort and possibly more than a little pain. After going to the chemist yesterday to be told to go to the Dr to be told there was nothing he could do but here's a script just in case, I of course have started the ab's for it. I am in total agreement with the Dr about antibiotic resistance but I think he was really missing the point - it is her FIRST birthday on Sunday and I would really like her to not only have a good time at her party but to actually be able to attend it! She is already going to miss out on stuff all this week because of it. Well that's as much as I can blog right now seeing as she is crawling around crying with snot pouring from her nose, very attractive. (You know where else her snot lives? My shirt, my pants, my everything...) She is demanding attention, very uncaring of what I have to do or how I feel about it and definately doesn't care about you'll who read this blog... She'll care tomorrow maybe.

She's NOT a boy!!!

2008-08-06T20:45:00.002+10:00

Today HHML and I went shopping and I ran into two women that I work with. One of them had her daughter and grand daughter who is around the Pixie's age with her. They were commenting on my little girl and the daughter says, "Boy". Again more discussion about the little girl until the daughter very rudely says to her mother pointing to the Pixie, "That is a little boy." "NO!" I said, "That is a little girl, her ears are pierced!" "You can check in her nappy," the other lady I work with said. The daughther then says, "Oh I didn't even look, I just saw the orange shirt, I always dress mine in pink." Well whoop de doo da for you love, I like her to wear lots of different colours! Who are you? The baby fashion police or something? She then said to, "I'm having a pony for her first birthday." I said, "I'm having a magician and a facepainter." By that I mean I am hoping my nephew will do a few cool things and that my niece will paint some faces... but it shut her up. I think she might have been upset because the Pixie was obviously so much cuter and more advanced...

Then we went to the bra shop so I could get fitted for a new maternity bra. "How far along are you?" asked the shop assistant. "I'm not pregnant, just fat, and breastfeeding," I answered. "Well I could see you weren't showing," she says, obviously embarrassed. "It's not the first time," I said, "I can see why you think that." After being measured and finding out I have been wearing the wrong size bra - I'm actually a D and not a C, and the one I bought for SIXTY dollars was actually a DD, the shop assistant says, "So how old is your little boy?" HHML blurted out, "GIRL!" and so did I! This poor girl just went bright red and began apologising profusely, she was relieved when I told her of course I would come back in, after her "offending me twice." HHML then spent the rest of the afternoon assuring me the Pixie does indeed look like a girl and not a boy. I will have to start putting clips in her hair or bows on her head!

D-I-Y

2008-08-05T16:27:00.000+10:00

LHT I think really does believe that I did all that stuff with the drill. How can he not know that I didn't do it? I am suspicious that he is not suspicious and maybe no good can come of this but by God I'm going to keep going as long as I can! I was thinking about being a little bit nicer to him yesterday and then I thought, nah, he likes it, he deserves it! After looking at "my" handywork he said he will put the other candle sconce up for me this week whilst he is off, yeah right, we'll see. I think Daddy Saturday will be back around here next week doing it.

So here is some news and a victory for me, LHT and G-Dog popped into the motorbike shop on the way home from their fishing trip and checked out the KTM's and Husqvarna's. The conditions on the warranty are quite strict and they have to be serviced every 4 hours which would mean they would need to get them serviced at lunch time on a day out so he is not keen to get one anymore. I am saved from him getting a new bike for now... Mind you his father is a bloody great stirrer. He rang us today and after he chatted for a bit he said, "That bike of yours is a piece of shit, you really need to get a new one!" And then he hung up the phone. I sent him a text telling him he will keep, ooh the gloves are off Granddad, gloves off.

I went to the Dr yesterday, I have had a lump under my arm for a few weeks now, my hands are infected and I have been having pain in my chest. My chest pain turns out to be some condition where your breastbone is bruised or something made worse by breastfeeding as the weight of the milk and the baby suckling drags the breast down, that's okay, it's not a heart attack or angina, I'm happy. The "cancer" under my arm is a cyst which she told me would be full of pus and that we would need to cut it open. My eyes lit up, "really, we're going to cut it open?" "No, we won't need to cut it open I said." I am not sure she gets that very often, but oh, it's quite big under there I could just imagine how much wonderful pus would be in there and how much I wanted to see it. That is the only good thing about having cystic acne (and I am very grateful it has cleared up again now) when I was pregnant was all the fabulous pus those pimples brought. I know, it's sick but I can't help it and there are lots of others out there who love it also. She laughed as she said my "cancer" would be cured by the same antibiotics she has given me for my hands but if it doesn't clear it up she would have to cut it open, I can only hope.

Daddy Saturday

2008-08-02T20:28:00.003+10:00

Daddy Saturday came round today and popped up another shelf in the laundry, two babylocks for the cupboards and a candle sconce. I am still going to maintain to LHT that I have done it but I do think he will be awfully suspicious this time. I think he may be already but I don't think he thinks about it often enough for him to say anything.

The Fairytale that my siblings wrote for our wedding invitations.

2008-07-31T21:11:00.002+10:00

Once upon a time in a forest on the north side, lived a fairy princess. She wasn't what you might usually expect a fairy princess to be. She was a little bit rounder and a little bit bolder and MUCH MUCH louder than fairy princesses are typically perceived but she was 100% fairy and quite a bit of a princess as well.

One day the fairy princess decided that the time had come for her to find herself a handsome prince, so she climbed into her little white Daihatsu Chariot and off she went. She hadn't got very far when she heard a "clunk... clunk... clunk..." coming from one of the rear tyres.

"Oh bother," said the princess (or something like that). "I must have a flat tyre. Oh no, what will I do now?" But before the princess even had time to whip out her mobile phone to call the RACQ up came a rather shabby looking knight. His armour was rusted, his head surprisingly large and he was riding on a very large dog.

"Can I help yer?" he asked most graciously. The princess explained the situation. In a trice the rusty knight had the tyre off and a new tyre on. He looked up at her as he kneeled by the car. A small blue butterfly had landed on yhe back of the car and he scooped it up and handed it to the princess. As she took the butterfly she studied the knight. He was well built and he looked like he would be very good at lifting heavy things. The knight stood up, dusted off his knee pads and said, "Guess you better get on your way to find your hansome Prince then."
"I've already found him," said the Princess. And off they went together - the Princess in her little white car, the rusty knight on his dog and they drove off into the sunset.

The Beginning...

The fairytale for the invitations to her birthday.

2008-07-30T23:47:00.004+10:00

After living happily ever after with the Rusty Knight for less than a year the Fairy Princess who was usually quite rotund noticed she was becoming even more so. “Cor, I better stop eating so many donuts,” she thought and even though she did she continued to grow. Until one day the royal physician announced, “You’re knocked up!” When the Rusty Knight heard this he swore to slay the foul beast that had done this to the Fairy Princess, so she held up a mirror and said, "He looks like this!" .The Rusty Knight who was known around the land for his courage and bravery turned white with fear. The royal couple prepared for the birth and many moons later a Pixie Princess was born. Life changed, the Fairy Princess turned into a Wicked Birth Mother after weeks of crying, screaming and spewing and that’s not mentioning what the Pixie Princess was up to. As the tantrums and vomit decreased, and the cuddles, giggles, snot and drool increased, the Pixie Princess’ birthday approached and the Fairy Princess (who was by now no longer wicked) told the Rusty Knight, “We must have a party to celebrate because she is so lovely and wonderful and advanced!” The Rusty Knight knew resistance was futile and dutifully handed over his wallet knowing he would never see it again. The Fairy Princess shopped, chopped, iced, sliced, whirled, twirled, fizzed and whizzed until the party was ready and then the Fairy Princess, the Rusty Knight and the Pixie Princess sat back and had some curry and waited for their guests to arrive.

The I don't want to do anythings...

2008-07-28T16:04:00.003+10:00

I've been so slack and I am sorry. I've got the 'I don't want to do anything's and any previously mentioned motivation has been non existent for so long. Yesterday I forced myself to get up and get out the door and go for a walk and did the same today. I am never going to make a change if I don't make a change. I had been giving myself a stern talking to about how life is a lemon and you have to suck it to see and as I was thinking about that I remembered something. When I was about 14 (I think, old enough to know better anyway) I went with Mum and my sister to a display home. It must have been when my sister was building her first home. There was a panel of buttons on the wall of this house and I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I had no idea what it was and I was so intrigued by it that I reached out and pushed the 5. Suddenly an alarm started going off and I still didn't realise what it was, only that I had made the alarm sound. I don't really remember what happened after that, although I am sure I would have been told off, only that I pushed that button. After I thought about that I moved my fat arse out the door, metaphorically pushing the button, sucking the lemon to see and I feel a bit more motivated now.

I have now done two practise cakes for the Pixie's birthday, the first was a disaster, the second a little better. Thankfully I have time for one more practise before the party. I have been busy making pop up castle invitations for her party which I should be finishing but since I had neglected my blog for so long I thought this shoud have priority. The second cake I made for G-Dog's birthday and it nearly worked out okay. The bottom cake was too dry and the middle one was quite good and the top one was okay. It had a marzipan alligator in the moat around the castle and a bat on the side. I made him like a castle greyskull. He had a torch and a sword and a motorbike in the middle. FM made the motorbike, I cannot take the credit. I would like to post some photos but I have been having trouble with my software for my phone and my camera has gone AWOL. I pulled out the old digital camera a few days ago so I have some new pictures of the pixie to show you.

LHT has been doing an apprenticeship for the last three years. He asked his boss to sign him off early, which the boss refused. He was then dismissed from his position two weeks ago after informing his boss of his intention to find employment elsewhere due to us wanting to have another child and him needing to earn more money. He went to Tafe on Monday, and got a phone call from his workplace foreman asking if he was being paid to be there. He said of course because the Tafe periods are a requirement of his apprenticeship and employment and his employer pays for him to be there. On Thursday the 17th they gave the foreman a letter to give to him after hours that stated that his employment had been ceased on the 11th. Consequently we have had no money come in since that date except for what we get from centrelink. Tough times. He met with the apprenticeship board on friday and was told that of course he could not be dismissed in such a manner due to the terms of his contract and that his employer would be obliged to put him back on. (LHT was leaving anyway in three weeks to finish his fourth year with another employer. ) Well how would you feel going back to a place that had just shafted you like that... not even being sacked in person, unfairly dismissed for trying to make a better life for your family by a not for profit supposedly christian organisation? LHT told the woman that despite all that he had to go back, what choice did he have? Then... the silver lining, since boilermaking is on the skill shortage list the government would pay for his last five Tafe modules so he could be signed off early with another employer. Consequently he is two modules away from completing his trade and is in line for a thousand dollar bonus once he is signed off. Thanks! Money's tight but once he goes to his new job next month it can only get better from there. So in trying to screw him over they helped us out a lot. Karma has been kind.

This morning the Pixie was in her room and I heard her drop something and then exclaim something that sounded suspiciously like "shit". Oh dear... PFM said at least it wasn't f*&k, yes I agree but I am still ashamed. I think I need a swear jar or something to learn me. We went to Excess Sugar Mumma's house today where the Pixie stole Chomp's juice so we gave her some water in a bottle. Next thing Chomp came out with both bottles... revenge!! Then I saw the Pixie finishing the juice... he must have decided it would be better for their future relationship to let her have it.

Frustrating Blogger

2008-07-16T21:39:00.002+10:00

The blogger is being very frustrating and presenting itself to me in a foreign language most of the time. I am blaming LHT and his motorbike obsession for no reason other than it seems like I should. He is in love with the Husqvarna at the moment and it has joined the long lists of wants that includes the 14ft Quintrex and the KTM so he and his boyfriends can have a lovely time together. Sorry I have not been blogging the last few days, I have had my nephew up and the other language thing is very frustrating.

The Pixie is nearly one and I am very busy planning a party for me, oops, I mean her. I am really looking forward to it and hoping for no dramas on the day, fingers crossed. I am doing a practise run of her cake tomorrow, a very cool castle and then dropping it off on friday to a local youth group so we do not consume the calories! Speaking of which I have to go and watch the Jamie Oliver thing and scare myself into being healthy.

Nearly one

2008-07-15T22:13:00.003+10:00

The Pixie will be one in four weeks time. I can hardly believe how quickly time has gone. I am planning her birthday party now which is more for me than for her and LHT is definately giving me a hard time about the whole thing. I have been googling and bookmarking for several hours now. I started just shortly after hanging six new pictures of her around the house. He is suspecting that I have a little bit of an obsession. Well of course I do she is my gorgeous little girl who is so clever and advanced. She was saying, "Ready, Hooray!" tonight when her father was playing with her. And also, "Ready, set, go" or something that sounded quite like that. Of course you know she's the cleverest child that ever was born...

Happy Birthday to Sandelicious, Friendless and the Paranoid Fussy Mummy.
I promise I am not going to be slack tomorrow and I will go for a walk.

The depths of one husband's stupidity.

2008-07-06T19:45:00.003+10:00

I really really love LHT, I think he is fabulous etc etc etc, but he really is so stupid sometimes I cannot believe it. He went away last thursday night, off to find himself a new job. He of course took his toothbrush with him. When he got home he did not unpack his panniers so he asked me if I had another toothbrush so he didn't have to unpack his bag. I wanted him to unpack the bag because the one he has has a replaceable head to go on it so it makes sense to me to use that one first. No, he had to have a new one. We always have the same colour toothbrushes, mine is pink, his is blue. It's to stop him asking me every night, "Which one is mine?" I told him there was a new toothbrush for him in the top drawer of the bathroom, a blue one, with your name on it. Later when I go in to do my own teeth I notice he has opened and used the pink one with my name on it. That's okay, we can swap colours for a few weeks till we get new ones again. I'm due for a new one, so I take out the blue one with his name and leave it on the basin so I can open it and use it the next day. Yesterday when I went to use it, it is open and used... he opened the blue one with his name on it as well. He has three toothbrushes open, and only one set of teeth! "Why did you open it?" "I thought you wanted me to use the blue ones," he said. "Yes I do," I said, "but you already opened and used the pink one." "Oh." I mean seriously, ladies, help me, are your husbands as stupid or have I married the king of the idiots?

Happy Birthday to my lovely sister Sandelicious.

Pantera my arse...

2008-07-02T17:10:00.002+10:00

I have just had this tattooed on my butt. CFH stands for Cowboys from Hell which is a Pantera thing. I didn't just want to have LHT's name or Dazza put on me but I wanted something to symbolise all that crappy soppy love shit that we don't really talk about but exists nonetheless. As soon as LHT saw it he cracked up and he is quite impressed with my ingenuity. I was originally going to have "Vulgar display of Power" (LHT has that on his belly) with the butterflies put across the top of my bum but when I saw the CFH on the pantera website I liked it and this is what the guy came up with. Nice guy who did it, pretty sexy whilst being comfortable to be around. He told me not to wear underwear for the next few days, I wonder if that's a come on? Seeing as he had just seen my large white fleshy behind I think not!! Julia Gulia probably has to have laser eye surgery tomorrow from seeing it too - she looked after the Pixie whilst I was in there. At one stage I was laying on the table breastfeeding her, if she had just fed it would have been fine but she wanted to play! I will post a pic of the real thing tomorrow after I work out how to email it to my phone.

Went to the side of the road shop today to buy strawberries, got back in the car and the next thing this older lady was opening the passenger door and getting into our car with us. She looked up, her mouth dropped open, "Sorry," she said. Her husband was parked next to us in a dark car too, she was getting in the wrong car. We nearly caught us a nanna!!

I'm off to cook some satay lamb, not really traditional football food but still very yummy! Up the mighty maroons!!

Cough, cough, cough.

2008-07-01T06:34:00.003+10:00

I have a really crappy cough, for almost a week now. It comes with a slightly runny nose and a whole lot of nausea. As you know, I don't do sick, so I have been a bit of a miserable shit. Last night I was coughing quite badly after I got to bed. At 1am the Pixie woke up and started to cry. I sat up on the side of the bed and had a bit of a cough before I grabbed her. LHT rolls over and says, "Take some cough medicine." "I can't," I said. "Why not?" "Because I don't know what's in it and I have to be careful what I take while I'm breast feeding." A few minutes go by and I have a soother dug out of the bottom of the first aid kit tucked into my cheek. "Do we have cough medicine?" I ask. "I don't know," he replies. "Why did you tell me to take some then?" "So you'd shut up," he said. Oh how loving is that. I wish there was two of him... NOT! I woke up this morning with furry cheeks from the soother and the Pixie still in my arms. So much for sleeping in her own bed. Lucky I am prepared to accept the consequences of that with open arms and a smile on my face. (Much how I approach everything else.) I can just see us now, 4 kids between us and struggling to keep a spot in my own bed! My niece always slept with my sister but not my nephew and they would both still get in with their parents given the chance.

Oh dear, I have just turned around to look at the pixie who is eating peanut butter toast in her highchair and there is peanut butter everywhere. Time to roll up the sleeves. I think she might walk in the next few days (she really tried yesterday at department of transport to get to this little boy), expect a LOT of bragging when she does.

A New Baby

2008-06-29T20:24:00.003+10:00

We are such a lucky family. Celery had a little baby boy, 8pounds 11 ounces, not sure if his birthday is today or yesterday because we got the message at about ten past twelve and we are not sure if Grandma and Granddad were at the hospital, assuming yesterday. We can't wait to meet our new little nephew, we are going to go down next weekend to meet him. I told the Pixie she has a new cousin but she was more interested in wrestling the peanut butter toast from my hands. She'll care when she sees him, she'll probably try to have a taste!

The Pixie took three steps today, I was holding her hands but she walked towards me instead of me being behind her. She must be very very close which means another rearrange of all the stuff in our house so she can't get to all of my 'precious' things. She also said a new word today...
bike (but she says ike), she said it whilst trying to get to a toy motorbike I have stashed away for her birthday. Children learn the words they hear the most, I don't know why I'm surprised she has picked that one up! She can also say duck and was shouting it out at the top of her voice today when we were down at the swamp feeding the ducks and some gorgeous black swans who had babies some bread. She's pretty good at making f sounds too so we are really hoping she doesn't put the two together and start saying a word she shouldn't be saying! She has picked up yes and no and ok and is using them all the time and getting a bit of an attitude. Again don't know why I am surprised!

TenB, I'm Sorry.

2008-06-28T18:51:00.004+10:00

TenB - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I'm sorry it's a few days late, I hope you got spoilt by the KTM owner. We'll have a big cake when we camp, and some champers too... since this year is a big one. Yes this year my school friends and I turn 30. I had mine in March, I had a great time. A group of friends and I went out to a restaurant for dinner. The Pixie cried so much people complained and she had to leave the place, I would have packed us all up except there was about 20 of us and I didn't want to make a scene, but let it be known that we will never eat there again. After LHT took the Pixie a group of kids ran around noisily above us all night and not once did we complain about them. However the bloke who did complain about the noise my daughter was making had obviously never met me, I make more noise than everyone I know and I think he was sorry, my laugh can be quite intimidating if you don't know me and I am directing it at you. I ordered spatchcock chicken and just after I said "spatchcock" I touched my pointer finger to each side of my mouth in a suggestive manner. Everyone just cracked up, especially when the waiter said they were out of the chicken and I said, "No spatchcock?" again doing the thing with my fingers. Our Man (friend) said, "Ooh, No cock for you!" I ended up having venison with chocolate sauce - mmm very good. I had been telling everyone how when I was a kid Mum had banned me from listening to Bambi because when his mother got shot I got very upset and used to cry and cry and cry. As I took my first bite someone called out to me that I was now eating Bambi's mother. I ate it anyway, I guess being 30 has made me tough.

Celery has finally gone into labour and we are just waiting now for the call to say the new baby in the family has arrived. We are very excited as no doubt Celery will be once the bloody horrific pain is over. God having the baby really sucks, it's lucky babies are so beautiful and wonderful and gorgeous to make it all worthwhile.

Had been doing well on the diet if not the exercise until last night when I was FORCED to take a block of chocolate over to the Lusty Librarian's house. We hadn't had a gossip in quite a while and her fiance, Mick the Snake Man, was having an op last night so we had several hours to chat and all women know the rules are that in those circumstances chocolate MUST be eaten. I mean it's the way to be a good friend right?

2008-06-28T18:51:00.000+10:00

Her two front teeth

2008-06-24T08:38:00.002+10:00

I just had to jump on quickly this morning to tell you all that the Pixie cut her two front teeth overnight. She looks very cute with the new little white bits showing and it opens up a whole new world of things she can eat now, which will make her very happy. Not that much held her back before! I knew they must have been coming when she grabbed the frozen peas off her father last night and sucked the bag. Panadol and whatever bonjela I could pry between her tight little lips (pleasant tasting my ass!) and 20,000L of breast milk later she was out to it only to wake up this morning with her teeth. I was so excited I woke my niece up to show her straight away. She was really cute when I woke her, she said, "Oh, I must have forgotten to wake up!"

The Busy City

2008-06-23T21:06:00.002+10:00

I learnt to drive in the city... I used to do it all the time. Now every time we go "home" being on the road fills me with dread. I could never live in Sydney or Melbourne, I think my head would explode! Our families seem to cope okay, I think because they have been there as the traffic has slowly increased so they are used to it, when we left Brisbane five years ago it wasn't like it is now. We went down this weekend for my brother's surprise birthday party. I didn't get to see much of him because I went to see my niece in a play and then LHT picked me up and we went back to his Mum and Dad's where he went to bed. He can be so exciting sometimes. My apologies to you Friendless for not seeing you. Seeing my niece on stage all dressed up like Boronia Blossom made me cry, she is so gorgeouos. I brought her home with me for a few days. The pixie loves her so much and she has taught her to hi-5. I am going to have my brother's son up in the holidays too.

On sunday I went shopping. I love shopping. I could shop all day and all night. When I was five months pregnant we went to brisbane and I shopped all day with barely a break, I was tired but I only had one day to cover the whole of Chermside and it was the first time I had been there since it had been redone so what else was I to do! The pixie of course got spoilt, I bought her some cool first birthday presents at Toys-r-Us, she is so lucky. I didn't get her a fairy dress but I did manage to find a gorgeous gold singlet with pink fairy wings attached to the back, very cute. It matches her little pink tutu. She can fit into her size 0 clothes now so it opens up a whole new wardrobe for her. I love when she goes up a size and we get to do all new outfits. It sets off a whole new set of camera snapping. Speaking of the camera, it is not broken, only the memory card is stuffed! How great is that. I am thinking I will take it back to Hervey Norman and see if they will replace it, I only bought it in the time I've had the Pixie. Paranoid Fussy Mummy brought the Chubba Bubba with her who is three months old and has just stolen my heart. I told LHT the other day that if we only ever have girls I wouldn't care but Chubba makes me clucky for a boy. I want one!!!! He is so lovely and he was laughing at me when I was talking to him, full of smiles through his dummy which he decided in the end he was going to reject so he could talk. When PFM left he screamed all the way home, I like to think it is because he was missing me. lol Celery's baby got some t-shirts, one says, "Baby Bonus $$$" and the other one says, "I love boobies".

I keep telling Celery how important breastfeeding is and how it's not easy at first but really worth it, with all the health benefits for you and for your baby, etc etc etc. I know I am a breast feeding nazi but it really annoys me those people who say they couldn't breastfeed when really they just gave up because it got too hard for them. It is so rare that you couldn't breastfeed and we need a change in society to encourage women not to put their children on formula when breast is best. *Rant, Rave, Carry on, step down off soapbox*

The Land Cruiser is Back...

2008-06-19T19:27:00.002+10:00

Our 1986 Landie is back on the road, God knows why, it guzzles fuel like a bitch of a thing and has cost us a bloody fortune in the time we have had it but we love it, we love it and every time we have decided to sell it and be rid of it, it worms it's way back into our hearts and we keep it. It looks lovely, the front seat is fixed and tomorrow after we register it we're right to go. Oh my goodness, LHT really does need to get a new job if only to pay the 4 lots of rego we're going to have due every year! Spend it on rego, save it in petrol using our bikes, (says she who still doesn't have her licence...)or something like that. It will be nice to be able to take the dogs out again and since TenB has her car back now too a camping trip is certainly on the cards.

My not very old very expensive camera is broken. *sob* It takes photos, and then when you view them it says unidentifiable object and then they disappear forever. I have lost only a few photos but they were some really cute ones of SWHF's son in bunny ears and HHML's son in a helmet. Dam. I guess being dropped by me after a bottle of red is not the best thing to keep it going. I am hoping I take it to the camera shop and I have it on a crazy setting and that's why it won't work. Since I have no camera and I can't seem to download the pics from my new nokia there will be no pics for a bit. :( I'll take it to the camera shop tomorrow since Celery (LHTs baby sister) is due to have our new niece or nephew this weekend and it is Grandad's birthday. Looking forward to seeing the family it has been a few months. I hope the baby looks like me.

Bruised Shin

2008-06-17T17:43:00.002+10:00

Took the bike back over the the oval today and not only did I manage to take off by myself, I also managed to get to second gear! First go I took off by myself with LHT verbally helping me let the clutch out and I was off! I sped round the oval for a bit and then I thought I'd better investigate how to get to second so I didn't blow my motor up. I came in, popped the bike back into neutral and had a quick practice of going to second. I took off again and as I pulled in the clutch I bunny hopped a bit, squealed and let it back out, I nearly stalled but managed to hang on. I went in a circle the other way and then cut a few figure eights, very very big ones. At one point I called out to our neighbour and he waved, I forgot for a moment and put my right hand up to wave to him and realised I really needed to keep my hand on the accelorator I would stall and probably fall off! I stalled the bike in the middle of the field and LHT and the pixie in the pram made their way over. Sometimes I can start my bike and sometimes I can't. It's a bit tricky. So he started it and I took off straight into a large pothole... quite an adventure, I came up off the seat. LHT was killing himself laughing. There was this one time (at band camp) when I tried to turn left and I found I just couldn't, I had to go right, and I realised I was like Zoolander... trouble turning left. I was trying to start the bike and Daz said to me, "Make sure you take your foot off the kick start or it will come back and hit you in the leg... like that." I have a very lovely bruise coming up on my right shin now, but I started the bike. It is really good exercise and very very fun. Yes Sandelicious, get your learner's and come and have a go.

Rang Julia Gulia this morning and told her I was on my way. We did the lap that the FM and I usually do and then celebrated with a cappacino. Did some good frothing today, skim milk makes very good foam. The Tugmaster had come over the other day when I was doing caps and I offered him one which he declined but LHT said yes, it took me about 25 minutes to finally get the cap out to LHT because I was stuffing around. He called this morning and as LHT was speaking to him I was doing my usual, "Ooh, he loves you, you're his boyfriend," etc etc which his wife, Anything He Can Do, I Can do Better and I love to do, he said, "Tell her to shut up and get the coffee on, it'll take her that long!" Which is true it did take me that long, but in my defence he was only about 10 minutes and I did do freshly ground coffee beans. After he drank it though he had to admit that it was pretty good and whilst I might be slow, it's worth the wait.

Anything He Can Do, I Can do Better (Ahcdicdb) is a nurse as well, she makes me laugh so much. We used to work together before I quit to be a sah mum and when The Tugmaster bought himself a DR650 it was them that put the pressure on me and persuaded me to buy one for LHT. The Tugmaster did the deal for me and so they have matching bikes, and remember G-Dog also has a matching bike. So the three of them are very cute together and us girls have made Brokeback Mountain jokes from the start. So when they all went away together for their first trip Ahcdicdb packed the Tugmaster KY jelly, suppositories, other bowel medication, all the necessities for a happy Brokeback weekend away.

Yesterday I did go down to the bike shop and LHT bought me some pink gloves, some pink goggles and a black and silver helmet, which I'm going to sand back and paint pink because they had some pink ones but not ones I really liked. They gave us a discount which shows you how often LHT is down there and how much he spends!! The finance lady there just loves the Pixie and she fussed over her until we left, she is lovely. I asked the bike shop guy if I could please have a helmet that matched LHT's so I could show up on my bike to where he is out riding with the boys and whine for him to wait, cry and then give him his lunch in a Barbie lunchbox, or perhaps just stand on the sidelines holding my bike making engine noises until he finally cracks and takes me home where I'll make him watch Oprah. Such a lucky man.

Look Mum, ALL my teeth!!

2008-06-15T20:40:00.002+10:00

Today I made my debut... I rode my bike solo. In first gear at no more than 20k an hour after LHT helped me let the clutch out, and I did seven laps of our oval. I even had a cheer squad - HHML and Daddy Saturday came to watch and clap - very encouraging. I did well, I didn't fall off at all. I rode until my hands bled (due to dermatitis not to razor blades embedded into the handlebars or anything) and then came in feeling like I was Evil Kneival's love child. We decided to all go out for chinese together and on the way I said to Daz, "I'm going down the bike shop tomorrow... to buy gloves and a pink helmet." He started laughing and I realised I sounded just like him! I couldn't believe how awesome it was, I loved it. I can't wait to be able to actually use the clutch by myself, please keep in mind I had a lot of driving lessons too. Mind you I always wonder if I actually needed as many as I had or not after I recommended him to a friend of mine and he felt up her leg as she was driving. Creepy, creepy man.

The Pixie was not keen on Mummy and Daddy having the helmet on. When one of us would put it on she would scream and cry until we took it off. She was whinging the whole time I was riding and then when I took the helmet off she was fine. I took the best photo of her crying, I'll put it up if I ever work out how to download from my new phone. I put the helmet on her and she was okay for a couple of seconds but then the tears started and I quickly put her out of her misery. HHML's son loved it though and did some cool motorbike man poses for us.

Went to the markets today to buy a fairy dress - no fairy dresses to be seen. I am concerned that not having a fairy dress with matching wings and a tutu might be damaging the Pixie psychologically. Luckily we will be in the big smoke next weekend and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get one down there before it's too late.

Too much curry

2008-06-12T19:57:00.002+10:00

*Groan* I love beef massaman but the temptation to eat too much is always there and much as I try I always seem to do so. LHT bought it home from the new thai place in town but we both decided mine is better although missing something that it has and we think maybe is lemongrass. I really need to do some research, I like it when my friends think my cooking kicks ass over a restaurant. So now I am feeling very uncomfortable and wishing the time until I have digested enough to feel okay again would pass a little quicker.

Took the Pixie to the library today. She is not very good at the quiet in the library rule. I think she must have decided it was too quiet and thought she should do something about it seeing as Mummy wasn't going to like she usually does. She was shrieking and squealing and calling out for her Daddy all the way around the library in her bright pink stroller. She thinks she is so cool. When we got outside and waiting for Daz to pick us she insisted on getting down and standing up next to me. I was worried about her feet getting cold since she had no shoes on and but she doesn't ever seem to worry. She's the most happy when she has no shoes on, no blankets or long pants and the windows open, just like her bloody father. I rug us up in the bed together and she kicks all the blankets off. I can only hope that our next baby will be more like me and let me be warm in bed instead.

The Blog Counter.

2008-06-11T19:11:00.003+10:00

Three days ago I added the blog counter and I am so impressed with how the count goes up! Thank you for reading my blog, I feel so special. (The good kind not the pat you on the head kind.) Now of course I run the risk of getting all vain and bigheaded in my popularity, but it's hard at the top sometimes you know. As long as my head doesn't ever get as big as my arse I should be okay.

Julia Gulia's youngest daughter is sick so she couldn't go walking with me today. The pixie and I went to the HHML's house and walked a lap of her neighbourhood complete with heaps of hills to ensure a burn in the calf and thighs. She said she hoped I wasn't embarrassed to walk with her in her tight pants... I couldn't be walking up the hills bent at a 45 degree angle pushing my pram, it was more her to be shamed by me. (Plus even my loose pants are tight!) It took an hour and I feel good for doing it, plus the afore mentioned guilt is gone so I can sleep easy tonight. We are heading down to one of the local gyms on friday to check out the creche there. I want to feel comfortable with not only the gym but the people who'll be looking after the pixie whilst I pretend I'm Olivia Newton John and get physical.

Did some great frothing with my coffee machine especially for the State of Origin. I hope Qld win this game because else the third game is even more boring than football is normally. I have just looked up and we are 12 - 0 so that's good. Plus if the blues win this season I really will never hear the end of it from LHT. Last year was the first year we have been together that Qld have won the season so I feel I'm due another win or I may have to stab him in the heart. Mind you he is really good to share chocolate with because he has less of a sweet tooth than me, so I guess it's better the devil you know huh.

TenB told me today I don't need a licence to ride in the bike parks. I said I knew but I wanted to ride to work to show it off. "All the time or just once to show it off?" she said. Oh very funny TenB, very funny. She also said I should paint it orange and black to get under LHT's skin, to say I got an orange and black bike before he did. Yes, I'll paint it the KTM colours and call it the beast, refer to it as my hog. I'll get a leather jacket, call myself a biker and start drinking at the Globe with my kin. I'll get myself an american flag bandana and a bitch to ride with gold tassels on her nipples on my luggage rack. Paris Hilton should be asking ME what's hot! Seriously though, pink with some custom made stickers should suit me just fine. Do you think I could get some fairy wings just for riding the bike in?

2008-06-10T21:47:00.003+10:00

Photo one: The hot hot mullet lover does "Crazy cat lady"
Photo two: I love Richard Simmons
Photo three: the yoghurt the pixie picked up and dropped into the high chair.

We had a lovely play date today with the "Excess Sugar Mumma" and her little boy, Chomp. The pixie is accumulating lots of boyfriends! (Just like Mummy.) We did however eat some mud cake which made us feel sick but by golly by jingo by crikey it was good. I must try to remember though in the heat of the moment that eating wheat will only make me sick later! Sort of worth it. She made these coffees and did a great job of frothing the milk, that's my goal for tomorrow. The Pixie is partial to a babycino and I am a very indulgent mother!

Got a walking date tomorrow with Julia Gulia which is good because I have been slack so far this week. Didn't get out to ride my bike today because of the doomsday looking sky. I can see my motivation slipping away as it is now day 4 that I have not done anything. I wonder where it goes, is there a big room somewhere with all our lost motivation floating around in it? Do you think that's why some people are really enthusiatic, they know where to find that room! Maybe a little stalking of Anthony Robbins is in order to see where he goes late at night when he thinks no one is watching. I heart night vision goggles, they're your friend.

Mummy gets a motorbike.

2008-06-09T17:28:00.002+10:00

LHT looked at me this morning with the same smile he had on his face before he proposed so I knew something was up. "I want to buy you something," he said. "What?" I love presents so I was excited straight away. "A motorbike." Hmmm, I thought, now if he buys me the bike, I really have to learn to ride. Because I don't want to be a pussy and because the Fabjubity muffin is learning and TenB has been riding since she was a little girl I do want to learn. I can just see us now, an all girl riding outfit with our girly bikes and cute little matching outfits, ah very sweet.

$700 dollars later we have a gorgeous 34 year old Honda xl 100 in our yard. The man we bought it from had owned it for 30 years and he was sad to see it go but I'm sure he was happy to see it come to our house to a good home, to be loved. It is in prime condition, and it came with a spare motor and some other bits and pieces that only LHT appreciates. He even gave us his old helmet, which must be 30 years old itself. LHT wants to make it a feature in the bar, it's pretty cool. I told him I was going to paint it pink and cover it in butterflies and fairies, then I looked up and they have a motorhome covered in frangipanis and bees, a kindred sticker spirit in his wife. I told them that I was going to hand over the money to her and tell her it was for stickers for the motorhome. I can't wait to paint it and make it my own. I love that LHT picked it out for me partially because he knew it could be painted and made pretty. I can't wait to know how to ride it and have a licence and cruise around town on it.

LHT showed me how to kickstart it and after a few goes I seem to be able to do that, I checked out the horn and the indicators and the lights, all works well. He showed me how to put it into first gear but I wasn't very good at coordinating the accelerator and the clutch together so he did the clutch and I did the rest. I was doing some laps around our front yard, we had both the gates open. We would have gone over to the paddock across the road but the police had cruised past earlier we think looking for some boys who had been riding a dirt bike over there earlier so we didn't want to risk it, after all we need to show a good example to our child. LHT running beside me holding me up while we did the laps and I shrieked with laughter, delight and fear. At one point I nearly ran into a big pile of rocks we have in our yard because I was trying to brake with the clutch. My brother in law asked if I had the knack yet... No, I don't think so I said, I think it's going to take quite a while for me to be okay by myself. LHT was very good and very patient because he knows if he's anything but I'll just cry and pout and carry on like a little sooky la la. He climbed on the back and we rode it together for a bit until we nearly ran into the house due to my crappy steering and not so good acceleration. That scared me a bit and I thought it might be enough for one day.

The Pixie just sat in her stroller watching us while we did the laps, she didn't jump when we started this bike because it is so much quieter than her daddy's. The bloke even gave me a crate for the back so I can pop some shopping in there once I can actually ride it. I need to go and get my learner's tomorrow or soon anyway so I can get out on the highway. Oh won't I look like such a rebel on my pink bike with my pink helmet with butterflies. I suggested to Pumpkin that he might like to go for a ride on it, but he didn't think a 45 year old man would really look that good on it. It was really funny today when LHT rode it home and we followed behind in the car, men were laughing at him as he rode it. He looked so funny, LHT on this little bike with his boots and his big helmet. It reminded me of when I put the 'fairies kick arse' sticker on our landcruiser. People would pull up alongside him after having seen the sticker and then see him and laugh or make comments to him. One bloke said, "You're not much like a fairy." Another said, "The missus eh?" My favourite though is when we lived in Darwin and we had just arrived and were staying in the awful caravan park. LHT got out of the cruiser with a bottle of 'Love and Care' washing liquid in his hand and the other guys in the caravans near us just started laughing at him and saying he was a pretty girl with his fairy car and his bottle of love.

I know you must be thinking he doesn't deserve ALL the public humiliation I put him through but he does, he thrives on it, it makes him stronger, mainly because it doesn't kill him.

Another break in...

2008-06-05T22:05:00.002+10:00

June 3 sure was an eventful day, I had forgotten until now that we had again been locked out that day. Yes... despite having keys to all the doors we were again locked out of the house. LHT had taken his house keys off to ride his bike to work and I had left mine inside thinking he had his. Luckily the lounge room windows were open and since I was feeling sporty in my new shoes I volunteered to go in. Volunteered, more like pushed LHT aside to get in the window in an effort to prove I could do it after FM got in the window on the night of the reject party. So I stood on the bin in my new NB shoes and LHT gave me a boost and I was in, past the speakers and the exercise bike and I was in! I was so happy, and she was proud when I told her tonight.

The Pixie had her swimming lesson today and her teacher had a tunnel in the pool for the kids to crawl through. The Pixie who can crawl as quick as can be to me on the toilet to stand and hang onto my knees while I pee, the Pixie who can crawl as quick as can be at the offer of a pink bowl or a spoon, the pixie who can crawl as quick as can be to touch all the things she shouldn't touch just sat there at the start of the tunnel and grinned at me. Eventually I just dragged her through! I felt better when the other kid in the class wouldn't crawl through either though.

Another Good Day.

2008-06-04T20:34:00.003+10:00

HHML and I went walking today. It was a little slow due to the fact that her son (3) was riding his bike in front of my pram and kept stopping and asking me to carry his bike. He is pretty adorable, he kept falling off and jumping up and saying, "I'm alright!" When he rides he does action music, my daughter thinks he is hilarious. She follows him and follows him and follows him, he asked me to put her in the port-a-cot so he could have a break. But since his Mum and I thought it was so funny her chasing him there was no way I was putting her in the kiddy jail. I also went for a bit of a ride on my bike so I could make up a bit for the slow walk with the playground stop half way. I am doing well, it is getting easier every day and I feel more motivated each day I exercise. I think I have lost some weight, I'll check at work on saturday.

Yesterday I shaved LHT's head and the pixie sat in the high chair and watched. Then she screamed at him all the way through her shower because we think she didn't know who he was without his hair. Once I gave him a kiss and showed her who he was she was okay again. Poor Minxie. As I shaved we were discussing how I have been practising whistling for several years now and you can actually recognise what I'm whistling now. LHT said that now I have got the cross eyes (took several years also) and the whistling "downpat" (I know I'm still pretty crap but for me you must admit I am vastly improved) he thinks I ought to learn to "hock a lugie". I am not entirely sure about that one but since the challenge has been laid I think I have to at least take it on. It is not however one I will pull out for parties or for my daughter like the others. I would like to learn to cartwheel - can anyone teach me this??

Happy Birthday to our fabulous, terrific and wonderful nephew.

New Shoes

2008-06-03T20:02:00.002+10:00

Girls love new shoes, it's no surprise to anyone. I bought a pair of NB shoes today from Athlete's foot for $220. I would have bought a pair of socks too but they were like thirty bucks and I just could not justify that for some socks!! I bought five pairs from the Reject Shop for $5 and I was pretty happy with that. The Gympmeister said if he couldn't get ten pairs for five bucks he was unhappy! Since I have the new shoes I thought I had better go for a walk to use them. LHT dropped me off at this park near home that has a circuit lots of people walk on and I did four circuits of it, which equates to approximately 9000 steps. (I counted the steps for one of them.) I feel really satisfied with what I have been doing lately. Tomorrow Daddy Saturday's wife "The hot hot mullet lover" (HHML) and I are meeting at the park and going to do the ten thousand steps walk the council have painted on the ground there. I love hanging out with HHML because she is a lot of fun but also because she noticed today that I have lost weight. She has no scales either because she understands that they just make you depressed to get on them!

Today is/was my Mum's birthday. She loved scorched almonds, we sent her off to heaven with a packet in her hand. Last year I bought them and ate them, this year I am really trying to lose weight. I did buy them and then I gave them away to a lady at the shopping centre. I said, "I'm not crazy or anything, it's just that I always give a bag of scorched almonds today but this year my Mum isn't here to get them so I wanted to give them to you and wish you a happy unbirthday in honour of my Mum." She gave me a hug and said it was from Mum, I of course had a tear in my eye, and I thanked her and walked away. It made me feel really good and I know Mum would have liked me doing that. She used to do stuff like that too. I miss her a lot.

The Pixie will not go to sleep tonight! She has been up since 10.30 this morning and seeing as it is now 8pm I really want her to go to sleep. She is crawling around the house chasing her father and giggling. She has just been showing off to Grumpy on the webcam so she thinks she is a bit of a superstar. I think maybe the espresso i had today is now running through my baby's veins as well! This is why boys and girls, the good Lord invented baby Panadol.

Heaven Sent

2008-06-02T19:17:00.005+10:00

I love it when things just work out right you know? Awhile ago one of the dogs broke into the shed and ripped up the old futon mattress we had in there, large pieces of foam and little styrofoam balls everywhere. The mattress was the first thing I threw into the skip bin we got in and never was a moment so pleasurable. Today I decided I could ignore the shed no more and went down and raked up all the rest of the foam and vacuumed the carpet, it looks heaps better, I washed some windows and some walls and was quite pleased with the result. I took some stuff to the car for the charity bins and then I noticed the old tv that my grandparents used to own. It is huge and ever so heavy. I wondered to myself how I could bribe LHT to get rid of it today. The Pixie by now was screaming at the top of her lungs to get out of the pram, I took her inside for a bit of a feed. Just as I had started we heard a truck pull up in the street. Lo and behold, it's the Salvos pulling up next door in their furniture truck. "Hey," I said, "I know you're here for Ron but I don't suppose you want to pick up a tv?" "Yes," they said, "no worries." Over they come, two big strong looking boys, and I was telling them how I was wondering how I could get this gone today and how I wanted hubby to do it. "Tell your husband not to worry about it," one of them says and they proceed to pick up the tv. I see their eyes light up as they pick it up and realise how heavy it is, but they've just bragged so what can they do huh? ha ha ha They got past the worm farm and near the car andd they were both asking each other if they would like a break but they were egging each other on too, "No, no mate I'm right, we'll put it down if you like..." all the way to the truck which they were saying they wished they parked closer. Excellent the old tv is gone. Thank God for the Salvos.

LHT is in the bathroom doing the taps as we speak, so I think RDO stands for Relishing Direct Obedience! Which I am, I am just so pleased he is doing the taps. He is not just doing the shower taps, but the bath and the basin as well. The basin ones don't fit so I have to go to Bunnings tomorrow for some new ones. That's a shame, you know how much I hate Bunnings, lol. You never know, it may turn out that the R stands for Rewarding but we really will have to see how he goes. I think that he might be doing them because of a conversation we had this morning.

"Hey Babe..."
"Yes dear..."
"You know the taps in the bathroom, how can I..."
(cutting me off) "You can't do them yourself."
"Why not?"
"Because you can't."
"Well how would I do it anyway?"
"Nails and glue." (This comes from a few years back when I maintained and still maintain that we could make some new dining room chairs from wood and hold them together with nails and glue. He of course disagrees.) Much laughing follows,
"So... will I call a plumber?"
"No dear! I'll do them later."
"Okay"
And due to various remarks about doing them myself I am getting them done. Lol It reminds me of this time at our old house when I wanted my gecko candle sconces put up in the dining room. He was just taking ages and my friend who bought the same, her hubby put hers up straight away. Finally I said, "That's okay, I'll put them up myself." (After about two months of waiting) I went into the dining room and grabbed the hammer and called out, "I can hammer screws into the wall can't I?" and started banging the hammer on the wall. Quick as a flash he was up and out of his seat and in the dining room assuring me that of course he would do it. You should have seen the look on his face when he thought I was hammering a screw into the wall, oh it was priceless!! A girl has to do what a girl has to do eh.

I also must admit that six days in a row was as far as I got, friday was a write off, worked on the weekend the days seemed to go so fast but I did get back into it today and I double my time on the bike but not the calories!! :(

Raining Raining Raining

2008-06-01T21:57:00.002+10:00

I have worked the last two days and the kid has been hanging out with her Daddy. Yesterday they came to see me at work and he had put a hat on her... she ALWAYS pulls her hat off if I put it on but if Daddy puts it on apparently it can stay! LHT said he used blue tack which made me feel a bit better. Today they came and she was in pj's. I didn't think she slept in those last night, she hadn't. Daddy dressed her in pyjamas for the day. And tonight he dressed her in day clothes and put them on back to front. Oh for the day I bath her and she doesn't shower with Daddy anymore, which is fast coming seeing as she weighs 8kilos now and she can reach just about everything in the shower which she shouldn't have. The shampoo only looks fun to play with Mummy's darling. But he does a great job and he is really involved so I'm not really bagging him... well no more than he deserves.

Speaking of which Julia Gulia's husband the Gympmeister said upon reading the blog, "I'm going to go and tell him to read the blog." Well so do I Mr, so do I and he doesn't so what can I do but continue to trick him. I am pestering at the moment for some new taps in the shower, which are sitting on the basin ready to be put in. The hot one is leaking and everytime I shower I burn myself (I know something new for me!) and we have had them for about two weeks now so it's time. I got my new shower head in about three days but I have not nagged as hard about the taps. Tomorrow I think he is having an RDO... so I'll see how I go tomorrow.

Freezing bloody cold

2008-05-30T16:02:00.002+10:00

Today is freezing cold and absolutely pissing down with rain. I hate the rain and the cold. The rash on the pixie is a virus and she is a miserable little thing. The Polaramine we got yesterday the Dr said not to give her... so there goes Mummy's quiet time. ha ha ha Just kidding, I would need to give it to her and her father to have any quiet time and I think if I went back and got some adult strength they might get a bit suspicious. She is sooky and cranky and whinging and clinging. Mind you she is also warm and since I'm always cold in the winter I don't mind having another warm body to snuggle. Of course the only 'toys' she wants are things like the nail scissors or our phones or the remotes or the computer cord... and because she is sick she is acting like the biggest dying swan when I take them off her or move them from her reach. I do know that it is poetic justice because I suck so much when I am sick that my daughter now carries on... She has obviously got the "I'm the sickest person in the world" genes.

It has just occurred to me why FNL was not on last night... it was still thursday. It is on tonight. I will be snuggled up in my jammies in my bed under my mink blanket for them tonight, no part of me showing. I have to work tomorrow so I have to get up at 5 am in the freezing cold and rain. Goddam mortgage eh!!

The pixie is screaming and crying and grabbing handfuls of her hair, "the anguish, the anguish I feel Mummy, save me!" She makes me feel like the biggest superhero, lol. Once I get on my exercise bike tonight it will be 7 days and that is just such a fabulous start, I don't want to break it now. Wish me luck.

How to avoid feeling guilty.

2008-05-29T08:40:00.002+10:00

So today is day six and it's still early so I'm not piking on my exercise, there's FNL on BB tonight to watch whilst I ride, and ride I must because I have fallen off the wagon today. I ate a burger which is bad for two reasons, the calories it contains and the bread which will make me sick. Now I feel sick and guilty and I think I have finally had another breakthrough in understanding how to not be fat anymore. If I eat crap I feel guilty, if I eat well, I feel good... it sounds so simple but anyone who has weight problems is more than aware it's not. It really is a mind set you need to be in order to lose weight. Usually what happens is I eat crap, feel guilty and then eat more crap because I feel bad and then I feel even worse and so it goes. Lesson learnt today. No more crap because it makes me feel bad and since I only get one go I am going to live doing things that make me feel good (or bad as the case at the time may be, he he he).

The Pixie is covered in a rash. The chemist says that it's an allergic reaction but I still think I will take her to the Dr tomorrow. It would be the public holiday when our Dr is closed that she comes out in a rash. At our swimming lesson, one of the other mums said her daughter had had something similar last week. The only thing she had yesterday she has never had before is a jar of Rogan Josh - if she is allergic to curry I am not sure what I will do with her!! I may need to swap her for another one!! (Yeah right as if I'm ever giving her away!) She has had some Polaramine and now she is very quiet and snuggly and cuddly. Maybe I will give her a daily dose!! I have to go and snuggle with her now because she loves me the best.

Exercising

2008-05-27T19:30:00.002+10:00

You know what the good thing about exercising is? Is that if you do it, it stops the nagging feeling you have when you lie in bed at night that you have when you don't do it. I have just been on my exercise bike and that means it is now four days in a row that I have exercised. Hooray. I really like being able to go to sleep not stressing that I have done nothing again and that I am probably going to die of heart disease and obesity. Ever since my Mum died I am aware of how little time we really have. You know I worked out the other day that I have only lived a little over eleven thousand days. It's not much when you look at it like that is it? I am going to go and look at myself in the mirror now and see if I can see any weight loss and if not just tell myself I can so I can keep the motivation momentum going.

Uncharted

2008-05-27T15:30:00.002+10:00

My cousin's band Bron-yr-aur Stomp is in the Uncharted competition. If you get a chance please go to www.uncharted.com.au and vote for his band. I have to go, I have a growth attached to my leg that appears to be weeping. I better get it something to eat!

Three days in a row...

2008-05-26T17:47:00.002+10:00

I have exercised again today, I rode my exercise bike again today and have achieved three days in a row of at least thirty minutes physical activity. This is such a good start, this always happens though that I have a good start and then my motivation slowly dies. What do I do to keep it??? I have to try harder and try to keep my goals in mind. I have bought a lovely nightie from undercover wear in a smaller size to motivate me to fit into it. It may be coming to one of you eventually I guess. :(

I forgot to tell you that last week I got a speeding fine, it was in a school zone at quarter to four and there were no kids and I was going 51. Dam. I am so annoyed with myself because I don't really speed especially through school zones because of my own child and I always think I would like people to respect her when she is at school and slow down. So I handed over my licence and the copper came back to me and said, "Did you realise your licence had expired?" Well obviously I hadn't! It was then that I remembered getting the renewal form and tucking it away in my top drawer so the house looked tidy when some friends came over for a candle party a few weeks back. Bugger. I have not driven since and I have tried to do it online but since it has expired I can't... even though the copper said I could. So I still have not been to do it, but tomorrow is the day. I bet they don't take a new photo. That is another goal, lose enough weight I look different in my licence photo next renewal time.

Our back door has a lock and we have a key and we are all secure in our fortress now. Loving it. Big Mouth is on and my husband is waiting impatiently for me to join him to watch it in bed so I had better cut it off there for tonight.

Lovely new door

2008-05-25T20:45:00.002+10:00

We have a lovely new back door. It has nice horizontal panel decorations and no windows so no one can look in at me whilst I am on the toilet now... now that that has ever happened but I have lived in fear of it. I will take a pic tomorrow and post it. I have to go and try out the new showerhead which has five different settings so I am a bit excited. We have had a productive day in the house, I have put rocks in the garden, and I have completely tidied our room and it looks just beautiful, the lounge room is tidy too. That is pretty exciting for me because I am trying to get the house unpacked completely after all this time and I am almost there. I almost do not have a gin's camp house. I can't wait to tell you all that the house is completely done and it all looks beautiful. Can't wait for the painting to start.

Exercise wise today I have moved the rocks, that counts, been for a walk along the beach and been for a ride on my exercise bike as well. I am feeling pretty healthy. Hooray. Okay off to try the shower. (Was a bit confused by I am Legend just to let you know how that went.)

My Suspicious Husband

2008-05-23T12:36:00.002+10:00

(Here are a few more pics from the reject party, She who has flair's husband, Not so Bright, NSB and Julia Gulia and one of the boys from work with G-Dog (middle) and LHT.)

Ah, I have been away from you too long, I know. I have had a busy week. I am sorry. One night last week I was laying on my bed with the Pixie and I fell asleep, till LHT came in at about half ten and then I woke up for a bit once he went to sleep. Quite romantic isn't it. Well the jig is up about the bike. The guy from the bike shop rang him to tell him when his bike would be ready and said, "If you hear any rumours around town that I've been riding your bike, it's true, I took it to 130." Which LHT didn't believe, and he said, "What have you done to my bike Shazza?" I said nothing... and admitted I had set him up. It was revealed about 15 minutes after our friends TenB and the KTM owner sent through as message saying how mean I was. The KTM owner said, "If TenB said someone was riding my bike, I'd be straight down there." To which I replied that I was surprised that he hadn't, I think he had been suspicious all along. The KTM owner said that it is one thing to joke about a shelf, but a whole other thing to joke about a man's bike. Well... I guess you're right but that could be because you actually own a KTM whilst it is just LHT's dream. The money box continues to get heavier by the way, so the dream must become a reality one day. Made him an orange and black cake yesterday just to tease him... KTM cake I call it. I have always loved to play with the food colour.

So the bike shop called LHT the next day and said that when they had taken it out they had done some damage to the front end, bless them, they don't know of course that he knows now, so LHT played a trick on them. He screamed down the phone, "I'm coming down there!" And then hung up, they called him back, he ignored it until the fifth time they tried, and then answered with, "Have you cleaned my bike?" Ha I love it. I think they are such good sports for playing along.

On wednesday I decided to call a locksmith to get some keys cut for our front door because we have had none for the time we have lived here. They said to me, 'Is it urgent?" I said, "No, we've been here 14 months I can wait till friday." Thursday morning arrives and LHT comes in to say goodbye and tell me that back door is broken. The knob has finally broken and we cannot get out the back door. Thus, I have no keys for the front door and a back door that will not open so I cannot leave the house as if I lock it I will have no way of getting back in. (Unless I call the FM to come and jump through the window again of course.) Swimming lessons cancelled again, we call the locksmith, explain why we need them today and not friday. At half past four, they finally arrived, I was in a panic because we had to go to foster training at ten past five. We got going at quarter past with keys to the front door and matching keys to the front and back screens. Hooray, finally! The locksmith came back on friday morning to fix up the front screen door which he had had problems getting to close properly. The screen works, it locks, awesome. The front door stays open all day, last night hubby realises the wooden door only appears to lock and does not in fact lock at all. You could push it open from the outside. Consequently the locksmith was back again today and the front door is fixed. Bunnings tomorrow to buy a new back door and the locksmith will be back on monday to fit a new lock to it. So we should be totally secure then.

Walked today and rode exercise bike as well. No weight loss but I think my fitness is improving. Routine is the key and this week I am working on getting into a good one. I would really like one of those things the contestants on biggest loser had that counts how many calories you burn up each day, I wonder where you get one from.

I am off to finish watching I am Legend which seems a bit spinny but pretty good at the same time.

The Reject Party

2008-05-18T17:34:00.005+10:00

It was great to dress up - if you know me, you know I am a BIG fan of the dress up. I thought everyone went to such a great effort in getting dressed up and Julia Gulia really enjoyed her night. As you can see the Pixie looked suitably unimpressed about having the yellow afro wig popped on her head. LHT gets lucky with Julia Gulia and She who has flair. The next pic shows the dance floor with Julia Gulia, her S-I-L, the Fabjubity Muffin (in the cute red bow),me, and She who has flair (SWHF). Shortly after this there was some nutbush action going on but not for long... Nutbush and Banrock Station Crimson Cab do not go so well together. Lifts Heavy Things was looking hot of course in his pj's, tie, nanna hat, ossom possum bum bag and glasses, the ladies found him hard to resist. SWHF was enjoying the strawberry cocktails that were on offer.

So of course we had a bit to drink and I thought it was pretty lucky that I woke up feeling okay the next morning. The pixie had a birthday party to go to so off we went and as we went past the bike shop, I had a thought, I should wind LHT up.

I rang him and said, "Is your bike ready?" "What, I don't think so, the cables aren't in yet, " he says. "Oh, that's weird, I just saw somebody riding your bike, they were riding it pretty hard you know." "Hey? They don't need to ride it to test the cables, what the hell are they doing?" "I don't know but it was definately your bike, I recognised your number plate," I said. "I'll see if they ring me," he says.

He he he, so I have planted the seed. Then I rang the shop and said what I had told him. They were impressed. I said, "Let's wind him... very very tight." Then I called G-Dog and teed him up to make a big deal of it too and how they really shouldn't have been riding it at all. Lol, i am laughing as I type this, because as I have said, he doesn't read this so we can all enjoy laughing at my dear husband. Anyway, in the morning I am going to ring them again and let them know he is still believing that someone rode his bike and that he is just waiting for them to ring him. I am thinking that maybe I will get them to say it was in an accident or something, I'm not sure, I'll see what they think. Maybe I should even go down there. Oh I just love how well this is turning out.

Tomorrow night we are going to dinner with Saturday Daddy and I will organise for him to come over and I'll put some more things up by myself. (Just btw I DID put a bookshelf together by myself the other night, well almost, hell, he doesn't read it, ALL by myself.)

Do blondes have more fun?

2008-05-13T22:30:00.003+10:00

I have been to the hairdresser and have been given a lovely caramel blonde colour which is lovely and not at all skanky or caravan park like. Woo hoo! I just needed a bit of a change and they do such a lovely job at Hair Divas. I can't wait for the reject party on friday night to test out the new do and have some shots and drink a couple of cocktails and be totally irresponsible for the night. LHT took care of the Pixie today and they both seemed to survive quite well. She is covered in ant bites from the thousands we have in the house and cannot get rid of, we are on a quest to rid our house of them this week. Poor bubba, she still seems to love us though and she's happy as long as you are feeding her something. She is truly our child when you hear that isn't she! These pics are my new hair, my new ugg boots and LHT going off on his trip the other week. I was so pleased he was finally getting out of my hair and I put the water on to wash the dishes, remembered he wanted some photos taken and by the time I came back I had flooded the kitchen!

Spillproof cups

2008-05-12T19:46:00.002+10:00

Over the past few weeks I have spent a fair whack of cash trying to get a cup for the Pixie that doesn't leak. I would buy one, use it and it would be good, then the next time she would use it she would end up soaked because the cup had leaked. I bought an expensive one, I bought a cheap one, I bought the inbetween priced ones, nothing was working. UNTIL... Lifts Heavy Things came in the other day and said, "I've opened up the caps on the bottom so she can have a drink." "Sorry," I said, "What do you mean?" "The caps," he says, "Surely you know about the caps on the lid that you have to open so she can have a drink?" "Hmm, maybe you should show me," I said. He pulls off the lid to Chooky's drink and then proceeds to show me how he 'opens' the caps so she can have a drink. "AHA!" I cried , "Now I know what's been going on! You have been opening all the caps and therefore making the non spill cups spill everywhere!!" "Oh, is that what they're for?" he says. So now our child has not 2 cups, not 3 cups, not even 4 cups but 9 cups that are all perfectly non spill as long as no one opens the 'caps'!! Lucky I plan on having more than one child and also that Pixie has a lot of friends that hopefully will come over and have a juice in a non spill cup sometime soon. If only her father was as advanced as she is maybe he would have a better chance in life.

The Money Box

2008-05-12T19:08:00.004+10:00

Recently I bought the hubby a money box, you know the kind that you have to open with a tin opener or else you can't get the money out. On the top I wrote KTM 530 excr and gave it to him as a little present. Well... I have never seen him save so fast! We probably won't be able to pay the house payments this month because it will be in the money box! He really wants that motorbike! Maybe I will offer to pay him for his jobs around the house. Ha ha.

Today he says to me, "When you put that shelf up, did you use the red screwdriver?" "No... I used the drill," I said, thinking to myself surely he will click now. He must surely know that I have about as much idea about using the drill as he has about scrapbooking. I asked, "Was that okay?" "Yep," he said without blinking. Oh My God, he still believes me! I even said to him the other day, "you should read my blog." Oh this is so great, i love tricking him like this!

He bought me a lovely watch for mother's day, it has a pink face. I also got some pj's (bought the wrong size - too big - but i wanted to wear them so now i have to keep them), slippers but I bought them and I am getting my hair done tomorrow. I am thinking I might go blonde. We are going to a rejects party on friday night for Julia Gulia's birthday. Hubby is wearing summer pj's with the shirt open... and his VERY hairy chest showing. I have a very sexy towelling number with a matching headband and choker. Can't wait to dress up, I love dressing up. I promise to post some pics of us looking all hot and stuff, even the kid has some dodgy op shop clothes.

Foster Training

2008-05-08T22:57:00.001+10:00

Tonight we did our first training session to become foster parents. It was pretty interesting and a little bit sad and quite well presented. I am not as nervous now but also more nervous than before. It is such a big responsibility and I know we can do it but the mistakes I have made with Chooky make me nervous because at least she's mine. I mean, I'm supposed to make some mistakes with her right, else what does she talk to her shrink about? We have some homework to do, some reflection on our own childhoods and our attitude to parenting. We will have to have about 10 hours of interviews eventually, on our own and together. I am looking forward to it. The bloke who ran the session tonight is a foster carer and he said that he went into it to help the kids but they have ended up helping him become a better person. He was so lovely, he had tears in his eyes as he spoke of the children that he had cared for and loved. I was also relieved to hear that it is better to become too attached than not enough to your foster children. The bloke also said that in order to be a really effective foster carer you have to invest yourself emotionally at your cost in order to help the child to learn attachment. I am reading this book at the moment called Mixed Blessings by a woman named Deborah Lee and she says she does not foster to enlarge her family but to help the community. I think these two things are the most important things I have learnt so far about becoming a foster carer. Yes it will hurt when the kids go home but how would it feel for me to have Chooky taken away and never have her home with me again. Becoming attached and then letting go is for the greater good of the child which is what is is all about, it is not about me and my needs. I understand that now whereas when we first applied I didn't, it was about me and my need to mother. I can see I will single handedly keep Kleenex in business! Back next thursday for another 3 hours, and we have to have someone come out to our house and go through module one with us which we missed last week due to my mongness.

Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy! D'oh!

2008-05-07T18:25:00.005+10:00

So my friend and I did our first walk monday before last, on the tuesday I slept wrong and totally stuffed my back for three days. I was limping around the house like a total mong and my kind husband took thursday off to 'look after' me. This involved him letting me sleep till 8am and then working on his motorbike, going to Supercheap and getting ready to go away for his trip away the next day whilst I looked after him, myself and the bubba. Thanks hubby, next time you can go to work!! It's like having two children at home!! Anyway off he went and The Pixie and I were having a lovely weekend. On Saturday we came home and I grabbed her out of the car and on the way into the house I fell. I think it would have been pretty spectacular to watch because I went down on one foot, grazed the opposite knee and ended up on my back AND on my knees. Chooky of course thought it was a great game and I'm sure wanted to do it again - NO! Once is enough! I seemed to be okay, foot was a bit sore but we still went to Julia Gulia's for dinner. When I got up to leave I had to ask her to carry the child (she has just had surgery!) cause my foot was really sore. I could not walk until tuesday!! Finally today at twenty past five I hopped on my bike to warm up for my walk and got the dog out and the water and was all ready and my friend didn't show up! Macy and I went for a walk a few times round the oval across the road. The child said Macy today, isn't she clever. I think it must be because we are ALWAYS shouting, "Macy, shut up," she sure loves to bark. Taking her for walks makes her much quieter so I am aiming for it every day. I think I might be being a bit of a pussy with this weight loss thing. I really need to step it up a bit. I am not seeing much weight loss but I am seeing an increase in my fitness (and injuries!!).

Oh and by the way on the shelf front when hubby went away for the weekend I got a friend's husband to do it and then told Hubby it was me... which he still believes!!! And since he never reads this blog the only way I will get busted is if you dob!! It's great, I'm going to get him to come back and put up some sconces for me and continue to spruke about my skills with a drill and screws. I can't wait to see how long it takes before he realises I've been having 'Daddy Saturday' as I call him come over and do this stuff!!

The Biggest Loser

2008-05-02T21:23:00.002+10:00

How great do they all look? So inspiring. Pity i had the whole season to lose some weight and didn't! And now we are into big brother. Must just keep going... keep inspired and if one day doesn't go well just to keep on going and trying and never giving up.

Telephone shelf

2008-04-27T10:49:00.003+10:00

Also just to let you all know that my phone is NOT on a shelf and the hubby did go on his ride. He is going to do it today whilst I am work - yeah right.

Daddy and the box of Farex.

2008-04-27T10:21:00.003+10:00

This morning my lovely loving husband got up and let me sleep in. He really is such a sweetie. He gave her breakfast, did her teeth, got her dressed and then he took the pixie out to look at 'insert boring daddy crap here'. When they got home we were talking about what she had had for breakfast. Daddy said, "Oh yeah, I just gave her some cereal," Now we have 4 unopened packets of baby cereal in our cupboard of all different types, so I asked which one he had chosen. "No, there's a box of farex open in the cupboard," he says. "No," I say, "there's not." "Yeah, there is," he says. "No," I said, "There's a box of banana custard open." "Oh," says Daddy. Yes folks, he gave my daughter banana custard for breakfast! No wonder she said Daddy first! Here I am stressing over what to feed her, do I give her too many carbs, does she get enough iron, enough variety for a wide range of vitamins and minerals, enough dairy for healthy bones etc etc etc and Daddy gives her custard for breakfast! I mean my God, I know reading is not his strong point... but he watched me give her custard from the very same box last night! She has slept this morning but I am surprised she did!! I have to go to work this afternoon so goodness only knows what the pixie will have for dinner! Lucky I only work once a fortnight eh!

Arms like Chicken Legs.

2008-04-24T19:26:00.004+10:00

Last night we had some friends over for dinner and I did a little bit of dressing up for everyone's amusement. My friend took some pics of me and I always knew I had big arms but I did not know they look like chicken legs. Somehow, that's not quite right. She said, "Is this the straw?" I said, "yes." So on monday we are going back to our walks three times a week and we are going in the evening rather than the morning and even though I have a new pram the wheels do not fall off, I will leave the Pixie at home with Daddy.

Have not overeaten in five days now, feel great, really making a difference to how I feel. I have not consciously been overeating but I always feel really full so I have been giving myself smaller portions and really concentrating on if I am hungry before I eat. Sounds so easy but not having ever really lived like this it is a whole new world to me. Plus I have been staying far away from wheat which I was so good at before I had the baby but whilst I was pregnant I felt crap anyway wheat or no wheat so I ate it anyway. (Irritates my belly.)

I bought myself a new nightie yesterday. I went in and asked for a 20, way too big, the 18 - still too big... Yes, I am sitting her typing this to you in a size 16 nightie - how awesome is that! I'm not sure it's entirely justified but I'll take it nonetheless. I might never take this off unless of course it falls off and I can just step into the 14. Can't wait to start walking next week to really get involved in some weight falling off this frame. Definately want to get down a few kilos because I am very clucky still and I would love to fall pregnant again. I really want to avoid getting gestational diabetes again too so I have to be careful.

The hubby is off shortly on a Brokeback DR 650 lovers trip with his boyfriend G-Dog. Us girls always say the boys are in love with each other because it's kinda cute that they bought matching bikes. I did choose Hub's bike for him I know but it's still all cute and girly - you can see that right? So I have told him there will be no trip unless he puts the phone up on a shelf before he goes, right now though he is outside working on the bike - AGAIN! I think I will go and hide his keys so I definately get my shelf up! I'll let you know how it goes.

Peeing on a stick.

2008-04-22T21:08:00.003+10:00

Peed on a stick today - three times. The first test was positive - confirmed by one of the other mums at playgroup so I know I'm not mad. The next two were negative. I'm going with not pregnant because I was obviously suspicious of the first test to even feel I should do another one. It was one of those ones where you have to pee in the cup and then dip the stick into your pee and I just wanted one where you pee on the stick like I had when I tested for the kid. It was exciting to be pregnant for a few hours, the possibilites of enlarging our family were running through my mind and I was only excited. There was no negative feelings at all which is good because I was wondering how I would feel. Well... only one, my weight, I would hate to fall pregnant at this weight, put more on and then have to try and battle my way down from like the very probable 120 odd kilos I would probably become. Plus how do I run around after two kids being so unhealthy.

Actually I am feeling very healthy the last few days. We have been having lots of vegies and I have not overeaten and felt stuffed. I have stayed away from wheat so I'm not bloated AND I have been exercising. Had to take some panadol last night because my thighs were so sore from being on my bike - that's got to be a good thing. My new goal is to sleep with Bob, Shannon and the Commando (Biggest Loser) all at once so I will need to be superfit and healthy and look really sexy. Hubby says it's fine for me to do this as long as he can either go fishing or go out on his bike. I said if I ever got the chance to do those boys he would have enough time to do both and then some before I would be done! Sore thighs would be the last thing on my mind!

Also have to keep growing my hair because none of them will want to sleep (*wink* not much sleeping going on) with me whilst my hair is so bad. It is ALMOST there, it has been sitting quite nicely one day out of three now and most nights when I am about to get into bed and have nowhere to go and nobody is looking at me it looks shit hot. If I can only transfer that to the day time I'll be back on!

Exercised.

2008-04-20T20:08:00.003+10:00

I decided today that i could be lazy no more and I have been on my bike and I feel so much better having done it. I always feel better once I have exercised so it's good to have done it. I also washed the car today, and vacuumed it and I was going to scrub the carpet until it started to rain, packed the kid up and came inside only for it not to rain but look like it would all afternoon!

Daz has had his motorbike in bits around the house for weeks now, today he finally got it back on the road. I hope this means an end to finding things soaking in buckets and special presents around the house. It does not however mean an end to dirty motorbike boots, smelly socks and mud all around the house. The Pixie has four sets of 36 tiles that go on our lounge room floor, last week I washed them all by hand, today Pete walked his stupid dirty boots over them and they are filthy again. Tomorrow I am going to Godfrey's to buy a steam mop and a small vacuum cleaner to try to stop the child from finding the tiniest particles of god knows what on the floor and putting it in her mouth, and also to steam mop hubby and clean him up a bit.

The Pixie crawled to the front door today and I think she would have gone out if I hadn't grabbed her. We really need to get that rail up. She also crawled under the coffee table to get the phone cords so tomorrow Dazza has been instructed to put a shelf up and that's going up. Ah children, so rewarding, so much time. I love that she is into everything now, so curious and learning so much. It is also good for me to have to run around after her and it is good inspiration to keep the house nice and clean. I've been really enjoying shopping and getting things for the house to tidy it up and make it more baby friendly. She is also sitting in the bath by herself now. She has been crawling around the bath lapping up the bath water and blowing bubbles in it, very funny little girl.

Sick

2008-04-19T22:43:00.002+10:00

I don't do sick. I'm a nurse, I look after other people when they're sick, but I don't do sick. I hate it, I hate not being able to breathe, I hate the snotty nose, I hate the sore throat, I hate the head ache. I'm a man when I'm sick. I'm the sickest person on earth. I whinge, really I do, I do classic whinging noises until I get some attention. I don't care if you've got a rare form of african virus, I have a cold and I am therefore sicker than you. The most exercis I've done today is to raise my head from the pillow. I think I'll stay fat forever at this rate.

Weight loss!

2008-04-17T20:50:00.003+10:00

Ah, I feel inspired! I have lost a kilo, fabulous. It is great. But there are so many more to go and sometimes the road ahead seems like it will never ever end. My brother gave me some Hi-5 dance videos that show you how to dance along - the kid was killing herself laughing at her silly mummy dancing around today. Thanks Boy, they're great! It's a bit of a joke in the family how bad I am at dancing so maybe I can pick up some moves to use if I ever go somewhere and need to dance. Maybe I can get really good and I'll be the person in the middle of the circle - not likely. I'm pretty uncoordinated and two left feetish. I am not that crash hot on the old aerobics either, the grapevine escaped me at first. I have to go and read my new cookbook to pick out a dish for lunch tomorrow, I have some friends coming over for lunch and I am going to try out a vego dish on them.

The new picture

2008-04-05T23:32:00.002+10:00

The new photo on the blog is me when I'm about 2. I think Pixie looks like me, but I've seen pics of her Daddy too and she does look like him too. Not sure which is worse. I think I'm pretty cute.

Weighed down by...

2008-04-05T22:24:00.003+10:00

Well dammed if I know! I've had 3 different people tell me recently that I look like I'm slimming down a bit - so today I had my first shift for two weeks and I weighed myself on the old faithful nursing home weigh chair that I've been periodically checking my weight on for two ish years. I have put on 1.15 kg since the last weigh!!!!!!!!!! OMG! Okay this is really bad news. Hubby says it probably doesn't mean anything but I'm not so sure. My body is obviously unhappy - my hands are quite bad at the moment. I have been trying so hard to eat healthy. All the chocolate is gone from the house now, mind you that does explain the weight gain over Easter - d'oh!

Yesterday I moved some old wood and raked all the leaves and crap up from my garden that I'm making. It's a long way off yet but we got a skip bin in today so I'm keen to weed it all and dig up all the old soil. It's hard going cause like I said my hands are really sore at the moment. (Actually they feel a bit hot so they are probably infected - ew! Must see the Dr bout that. I am just going to try some aloe vera gel on them that worked really well last time.) Anyway, then I weeded and pruned as well so i think that all counts for good physical activity - not exercise but good activity. Today I moved our crappy old mattress and the crappy old futon mattress and threw them into the skip bin, a bit more pruning and some mopping and other bits and pieces of housework. ( How much does housework suck!) Then I went to work - so again good physical activity. (Left boob really needs baby to wake up and feed - can't find pump and baby very good at sleeping through now... Hubby reluctant to help out - maybe if I put some salami round the nipple first? )

I have been trying to focus on doing stuff so that I'm not just stationary. I've never been keen on exercise or sport or anything. Especially sport - I hate sport. With a passion. I hate all kinds of sport. I don't mind having a hit at backyard cricket or a spot of ping pong or even a dip in the pool but sport as such in my humble opinion, sucks. I hated every school sports day, I hate running, I hate athletics, I hate gymnastics (doing it, love watching it - very clever), I hate football, cricket, basketball, particular passionate hate for netball, all of them, I hate them all. I accidentally got into the vigoro team once, for one semester of year 11 I had to play it. Hmm, play, is that what you call it when they bowl to you, you shut your eyes, squeal and blindly strike with the bat and hope for the best, start running only to find you knocked one of the fielders out with the bat. Oops. Ok only joking bout the fielder but the rest is true. In the end it turned out okay for me because then I got to choose what i wanted to do for the rest of my senior - which was go ice skating because my neighbour worked there and he was cute and had cute friends too - mmm eye candy. The other day I remarked to Hubby about my sporting ability, he looked at me and said, "I don't think we coud call it ability could we? Disability maybe, but the last thing you are my darling is able at sports." Then he laughed and laughed and laughed and walked away laughing, saying, "ability!" I guess that sums up how just exactly like Sporty Spice I am. I wish playing the Sims counted as exercise.

Carpet Burn

2008-04-03T23:06:00.003+10:00

So the kid fell off the bed yesterday, or should I say her father flicked her off the bed when he was pulling up the blanket. Poor baby. She is such a survivor! She has carpet burn on her nose and she is really miserable with it. I have been giving her panadol and putting cream on it but she hits it and gets the cream in her eyes too. She has been a demon baby for the last two days and absolutely refusing to go to sleep - so much for concussion eh! I don't think she got one - whatever the opposite of that is, is what happened to Pixie. I was relieved that Daddy has finally done something to her and proved he is a human being because you know the whole, "locking the kid in the car" thing and she fell off the bed one other time.

Bought some MP3 players today, not IPod's because the last thing we are is trendy. Plus I was a bit tight to pay for them. I also bought a portable dvd player for the car to put Wiggles or Hi-5 dvd's on to keep the child amused. Last time we went to Brisbane she nearly died of boredom in the car and was miserable for nearly the whole trip. I am hoping the singing etc will keep her occupied and make the trip a bit better for her. It has a remote control so I can just flick it off once (if - lol) she falls asleep. I think her father might sit in the back with her although I think in that case there might be a dirt bike demo on the screen rather than any child friendly amusement. And the Sims - love the Sims.

Big day tomorrow - the garden is getting started. This means the house renovation begins. We are painting, putting a toilet and shower in our shed, fences and gardens. It's going to look great. I must take some photos to do before and after scrap pages.

Vegetarian Cooking = Unhappy Husband

2008-04-02T21:41:00.004+10:00

So... we had our first vegetarian day today. Well, we did have some meat with dinner, which is about as vegetarian as I can get hubby at this point in time. Not that I want to give up meat - I love meat - especially pork. MMM, pork. Yum. Anyway... We had kidney beans in a mexican type sauce - a take off of Tex Mex that LHT loves but he was pretty horrified that I wasn't putting meat into it but ate it just the same, on toast with avocado. I know he would have preferred meat but we are trying to be healthy. We had lavash bread pizza with pumpkin, olives and feta for lunch. Very nice. The Pixie Girl had pumpkin and couscous for dinner. She laughed a lot at the word couscous.

My brother and his gf have sent me some veg cookbooks - they eat veg. The dishes look so good and so I am planning a shopping list to try a few things out. I have been reading them in the car today and ignorning LHT so he is really getting worried about his meat intake. He looks positively pale when I say that there is not going to be meat with dinner tonight. Ah, to be quite honest, it makes me laugh. His pain is my pleasure - always has been, always will be. That's what I love about our marriage. The other thing I love about him is that no matter what I put down in front of him he always eats it and enjoys it. Therefore, whilst he complains and whinges he also acknowledges the health benefits of eating more vegies and legumes and stuff like that. It's not like I'm not going to give him meat, but telling him I'm not is funny to watch. One mention of it is enough to send him off to the freezer to defrost a steak and cook it up - medium rare. Not me, no blood or I just can't do it. After the steak he might get out a roast and pop that in the oven whilst he cooks up a few snags to munch on in the meantime, quickly making a ham sandwich as the snags sizzle away, grabbing a slice of salami as he makes the sandwich. Yes, we do have a lot of meat in our fridge. We are meat people, I was raised on meat, and deep fried food. A lot of it, and salt. A lot of meat, oil and salt... no wonder I struggle with nutrition now! As a child I have been served deep fried kabana - with salt for breakfast. My husband kills himself laughing at this but I had no idea that's not what other people were having for breakfast on Saturday mornings. Even as I think about it I must admit I could still go a bit.

I had deep fried cheese once, in a pack from the fish and chip shop. And I don't mean Camembert, which is delicious I might add, I mean cheddar covered in bread crumbs. It was like eating a heart attack. Even I couldn't do it. I have been working very hard to make much smarter food choices, no more deep fried cheese or kabana for me! One Christmas LHT and I both got given deep friers. We are definately foodies, we love to eat but we have to train our taste buds to love fresh delicious yummy food. Having a vegetarian in the family has definately helped in that regard, the indian gf has been teaching us to love vegies. I love zuchinni now!

Shopping Compulsion has a name.

2008-03-31T22:40:00.001+10:00

SHOPAHOLISM - but I don't run up my credit cards or spend all my cash before I pay my bills so I cannot be addicted. Excellent. I just simply LOVE to shop and the fact that I go every day is just a pleasurable coincidence. Hooray!

Cheesecake

2008-03-31T22:09:00.004+10:00

Cheesecake speeds up your metabolism right? I'm sure cheesecake is a well known diet food. Oh please let me find will power somewhere. Maybe it's because I'm a hoarder and the will power is hidden under the piles of things that I just might need one day. I'll have a look and get back to you about that. I think if I could stop being a big ole hoarder I might feel a bit more motivated too. Having a messy house all the time is a bit depressing.

Meanwhile, the kid has now slept through for 9 nights - woke up for 10 mins at half three last night but other than that she has been going through till about 6am. Very nice. Mind you, I need to learn not to stay up waiting for her to wake up. It's hard because her pattern for the past 7 months has been to wake up about 10 minutes after I go to sleep. She cried out about 20 minutes ago but she has gone back to sleep by herself. If I learn to go to bed earlier I won't be so tired and might feel like going for a walk through the day or something.

I wonder what you call it when you are addicted to shopping?

Sick.

2008-03-30T20:05:00.002+10:00

Feel like crap. Poor me. I don't do pain or sick very well. Have to go and whinge to husband in extraordinarily whiney voice until he takes pity on me and gives me a massage. Yeah, I know how to work it. I'll feel better tomorrow.

Accepting Reality

2008-03-29T14:59:00.005+10:00

So my friend Julia Gulia comes over today and gives me some of her 'fat' clothes. She has recently lost about 40 kilos. She shows me these swimming shorts and then proceeds to climb into one leg of them to show me how much smaller she is. Reassuringly she says, "Don't worry, they won't fit you, they're giant." Of course you know what's coming, I'm sitting here wearing them now.

Now if you know me you know I'm not short on self esteem, but that I must say took a little bit. But it also makes me think, "If you don't like it, do something about it." Whilst I know all this I still seem to be unable to control myself. It's all this choccolate in the house. Will Power is a man who I just haven't met yet, although I have seen glimpses of him from time to time.

I don't know if this counts as exercise but I have made an effort today. I have combined playing with my daughter, her love of Hi-5 with trying to lose weight. I never noticed till today but most of the songs on the cd she loves are action songs, eg "Jump forward, jump back, touch your nose, jump forward, jump back, touch your toes, jump forward, jump back, turn around, jump forward, jump back, touch the ground. So I acted out all the songs on the cd for her, I think I got a pretty good workout and I scored major Mummy is fun points. Plus I want the pixie to think that exercise is a normal and fun part of life, I struggle with this concept.

It is funny different peoples reactions when you tell them you are trying to lose weight. You've got some people who agree and support you, the people who try to give you advice (which you don't really want to hear), the people who say, "me too" even thought they weigh about 2 and a half kilos at most and the people who say, "Oh why? You're not fat." What the? Are your eyes painted on? Yes I am, you know I am, what are you thinking when you say that? I am classified as clinically obese so I think it's maybe a little bit obvious.

Anyway it sucks, I hate having to try to lose weight. I hate diets, I hate it all. But I know that's a crappy attitude and it has to change. Ok my daughter is telling me off for not paying attention to her so I will finish this later.

Goals? What Goals??

2008-03-29T00:06:00.003+10:00

Um, so I have totally failed in both my goals today. I have eaten chocolate and I did not exercise. I did push the pram around the shops for 2 hours so surely that must count for at least one lindt ball? Oh well, I'll try again for tomorrow.

I think I may be a little bit addicted to shopping, I mean you can be addicted to anything right and I am pretty sure shopping is a biggie. Next week I am not going shopping... well maybe once when my niece gets here. And I'll probably need some groceries. So just once really if I do it all in the one day. But that's it. I swear. Mind you with the hubby, affectionately known as Lifts Heavy Things, after a new motorbike, "You know the KTM is my dream bike that I love and adore and I would love and adore you if you let me get one," maybe it's okay for me to shop.

Okay so the goals are now reset for tomorrow. Now I have to go to bed before I eat more lindt balls. mmmm

I have just seen that the matriach has committed to this as well. Okay now I have to do it.

What problems a big bottom can create.

2008-03-28T16:48:00.000+10:00

So the other day I locked the kid in the car... most awful thing to happen. She was fine, just looking around at everyone looking in at her and wondering why we didn't get her out. I was getting her out to put her in the trolley and as I stood up to bring the trolley closer I knocked the car door shut with my giant arse. The RACQ came, along with an ambulance and a fire truck with sirens blaring. Believe me the car window was about to be smashed but the RACQ guy flipped my clicker over and pushed the button. He is an angel. My lovely daughter was stuck in my midnight blue car for 15 minutes because my butt is so giant it is out of control. It has a mind of its own!

Therefore the time has come... I must lose weight. For my health... and for the safety of my child. What to do, what to do though. How do I lose 50 odd kilos? Do I spend $440 and join my local gym? Do I brave the cold water and swim around in a circle in my above ground pool, creating and possibly drowning in a whirlpool? Do I walk around the field across the road with my daughter in the pram? Do I use my daughter as a weight? Do I make good use of my exercise bike? What do I change about my diet? How do I change a lifetime of bad habits in order to show my child what is right?

Easter has come and gone now and left behind a chocolate path of destruction in its wake. There are easter egg wrappers around from the kids and a shelf full of chocolate in the fridge, most of it for the kid who won't see any of it because she is only 7 months old. My M-I-L spoilt us and gave me some Lindt dark chocolate balls, drool. I haven't eaten them all but that's mostly because I've been eating rocky road and red tulip bunny. MMM but I know it's going straight to my butt, enlarging it to gargantuan proportions. At least it doesn't stick out as well. Not that there's any hiding it...

I have made it a rule that I do not buy junk food, and that all our meals are home cooked and they're all healthy. I can feel the effects of not putting so much crap into my body, it's starting to feel really good. And I was so dedicated to my walking and then to my exercise bike but I have lost motivation and I don't know how to get it back. I think it's just something you need to approach day by day.

Here are my goals for tomorrow:

1. Don't eat any junk food. Eat only healty food.
2. Do 30 minutes of exercise.

Wish me luck on that, it's hard to break bad habits.